5 Ways to Enjoy Alone Time (and Why You Should)
Have you heard Ariana Grande’s new song NASA? “I’mma need space, I’mma I’mma need space” <<< — basically my theme song. Because I love and need alone time. But I wasn’t always this way.
When I was in the Navy, circa 2008–2010, I hated to be alone. I would immediately feel restless and uncomfortable and seek out company. The feelings that came up when I was alone were just too much for me to deal with at the time. So I surrounded myself with people constantly — which isn’t particularly hard to do when you live on base in barracks.
After I got out, I stopped hanging out with a lot of the people I spent time with in the Navy. I had gotten married and was pregnant, so the endless partying and socializing wasn’t really my “scene” anymore. I got really, really depressed for a number of reasons. Instead of spending time with friends, I watched Friends reruns and cried. Sounds sad because it was sad. This went on for about half of my pregnancy. The hormones, the emotions, the major life changes — they all added up to me feeling lost and confused about who I was and where I fit into the world. Being alone a lot made this all so much worse but I truly didn’t have the energy it took to make new friends at that time.
I wish I could remember what happened that led me to start doing stuff by myself but I don’t. However, I do remember the first time I did something fun by myself. I went to this little cafe in San Diego and ordered a sandwich and a glass of iced tea. I sat and looked out the window, observing all the people passing by, wondering what their inner life was like.
I was really nervous at first — and I was very young, only 20. But it got easier when I realized that no one was paying attention to me. They were too busy with their own thoughts to pay me much mind at all. It was a liberating realization and one that spurred my alone time on until I was going to movies by myself, showing up to friends get-togethers with only me and my expanding belly in tow.
What was most shocking to me was that I actually really started to enjoy being with myself more. Whether I was sipping a mug of tea while deep in thought or actively engaged in an activity, I became more in tune with what I actually wanted out of life.
Spending intentional time alone changed the way I saw myself — for the better.
Fast forward to now, nearly ten years later (yeesh!), and alone time is my jam. I joke that I need at least 10 hours of alone time a day to be a fully functional human. An exaggeration but a good representation of how I feel about alone time. Now, I’ve traveled solo to countries all over Europe and South and Central America. I can do anything alone. And while I love to spend time with the people in my life, I love the feeling of coming home to myself during my “me time.” There really is nothing like it in the world.
Alone time is so important, whether you’re introverted or extroverted, outgoing or shy, full of energy or more laid back. Having time to exist in space and time without the influence of others has a ton of positive effects. Here are my top reasons that I think alone time is so important for being a healthy person:
Are you convinced that spending time alone is important and beneficial to you and to the people in your life? I hope so. If not, I encourage you to explore why you don’t want to be alone. For me, a big part of my resistance to being with myself fully is that I experienced quite a bit of trauma as a child and teenager that I hadn’t dealt with. When I was alone, the feelings from those experiences were much more likely to surface and make me feel terrible.
If this is true for you, I wish I could hug you. No one should have to go through traumatic experiences but so many of us do, and so many of us never truly move past those traumas. Seeing a therapist has been a critical step for me in healing from my trauma. Talking about it really helps, even though it is challenging at first. Once you get it out, it’s like your mind and body begin to heal itself. A lot of the time, people are ashamed of their traumas, as though they were at fault which is very rarely the case. The best way to kill shame is to drag it into the light.
If you are resistant to alone time, here’s a journaling prompt to help you get clear on why, and what you need to do to move past it:
Why am I scared/uncomfortable of having real alone time?
When I have alone time, I feel…
How can I become okay with being alone?
If you’re ready to start truly enjoying and cherishing the time you spend with yourself, here are some tips for getting started:
I hope this helps you get clear on why everyone should make alone time a priority, and how to start doing that. Tell me in the comments: do you enjoy alone time or is it challenging for you? Why?
Also, here’s the full Ariana song. Enjoy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_aGvdfLTKY
🖤 CV
(Originally published on Christinavanvuren.com)
5 Ways to Enjoy Alone Time (and Why You Should)
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