5 Words I Never Thought I Needed to Hear- Until I Did

by | May 8, 2019 | Uncategorized | 0 comments

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5 Words I Never Thought I Needed to Hear- Until I Did

“Thank you for trusting me”.

I was twenty-three & sitting in Dr. Connolly’s home office when I heard those words.

They resonated with me so deeply, not because they arrived at a time when I had sought out professional guidance, but because they revealed a much deeper & personal human need.

Trust, as we all know, is a very fragile thing. Yet we often times believe we are entitled to it. We forget that people choose to place their trust in us, no matter how overtly conscious or intentional that decision is.

In any kind of relationship — personal, professional, social — trust binds each of these dynamics together. Our perceived level of trustworthiness determines how others see us as partners & friends, defines our credibility as leaders & professionals, & dictates who society elects as respected members of our communities.

As humans, we want to feel that when we place our trust in someone or something, that our choices are well-directed, particularly in personal relationships. When we feel trust has been compromised, we oscillate between pointing fingers at others & shaming ourselves, perceiving ourselves to be either at the mercy of someone else’s actions, or our own. It’s why the adage “Fool me once, shame on you — fool me twice, shame on me”, exists.

But both perspectives cast a shadow on a very important truth: that we are at the mercy of no one, including ourselves, because we have ownership over the choices we make. For me, my ability to self-govern & have autonomy over my own decisions has always been important, but it wasn’t until I had this truth reflected back to me, that I realized how powerful choice, really is.

We can never be guaranteed that we are entering a situation where our trust will be well-directed — that we are, in fact, choosing “wisely”. We cannot control other’s actions. What we can control however, are the feelings we give in to when trust does find itself shattered. Resent, self-reproach, indignation, & other impulse emotions we might default to, are part of what makes us human. But letting these feelings linger, ultimately strips us of the very same spirit & courage we exercised when opening up to others in the first place.

With all of life’s ups & downs, it would be delusive & self-destructive to think that we can ever avoid a situation where our trust is compromised. Equally, we would be hypocritical to say we’ve walked through life never taking someone else’s confidence in us, for granted.

When I find myself in a situation where I feel trust has been broken, I stay away from shaming altogether. Instead, I remind myself that I have the freedom to be more intentional about who & what I place my faith in. But more importantly, I remind myself that I also have the courage to forgive & the courage to continue to meet others deeply, no guarantees necessary.

5 Words I Never Thought I Needed to Hear- Until I Did

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