My Boyfriend’s Secret Girlfriend Saved My Life
To preface this piece, this guy is now my ex-boyfriend.
My ex and I were six months deep into the long distance portion of our two year relationship. Two weeks after a blissful and love-filled winter holiday travel with my then boyfriend throughout Asia, I randomly checked the unfiltered messages within my Facebook Messenger. I received 13 long messages from an unknown woman.
It was his secret girlfriend.
She sent me a handful of screenshots containing their flirtatious messages and told me what had taken place. She mentioned she lived 7000+ miles on the other side of the world where he relocated for work and they had initially met on a popular dating app.
In the blink of an eye, our love story ended with a death by 10 screenshots.
My hands were shaking uncontrollably as I scrolled through the messages over and over again. My heart weighed heavy as I started to hyperventilate. I was utterly blindsided.
As soon as I regained consciousness from this traumatic haze, I called him and ended things with the man I thought would be my forever love. Aside from being supremely heartbroken about these secret escapades, I spoke regularly to this woman because I wanted answers as to why she even reached out to me in the first place.
Even though my ex hadn’t spoken to her in weeks, she admitted that she never knew about me when they did have their month long relationship. She was able to confirm the status of my relationship by digging through recent social media story posts which indicated that my ex and I were still together the entire time. She didn’t know whether to approach me or to keep moving forward with her life.
I understand that some women may want to bash the unknowing mistress or secret girlfriend who comes forward with this type of distressing news. It’s incredibly difficult to come to terms with the fact that your partner acted on their attraction towards anyone else besides you.
Although I could have ignored her messages and she could have just moved forward with her life, I found a peaceful sense of solidarity with this woman I had never met before. On the other hand, a lot of her girlfriends told her to just move on without saying a word. They had mentioned to her that it wasn’t her place to say anything to me.
I took another perspective of the situation and I was grateful that someone would actually take the energy to drop into my life this way. If she had just moved on without revealing this jarring reality to me, I could have ended up marrying this guy and have children together; it would’ve been a much more complex situation.
As I shared my mortifying experience with a number of my girlfriends, they also mentioned that they had often been in the secret girlfriend’s shoes. They stopped communicating with the cheating partner as soon as they found out about the current girlfriend. Nevertheless, they all also admitted it was heart-wrenching to walk away and realize that there was someone within the entanglement that was clueless to everything — the current girlfriend. Especially with the popularity of online dating and social media, the chances for this widespread occurrence is higher than ever before.
My female friends unanimously concluded: they were hesitant to reach out to the current girlfriend because of the possibility of having to shoulder the blame and responsibility for the infidelity.
Life would’ve looked a lot differently than what it will probably look like now. I cannot thank her enough for sending me the messages that empowered me to ultimately make the decision to set myself free. Fast forward to the present day, this woman and I are now friends and speak occasionally. We are supportive of each other’s journey in life and cheer on each other’s successes.
I’ve read threads from so many women who post inquiries on online forums and wonder whether to reach out to the current girlfriend about their boyfriend’s infidelity.
As a person who was the current girlfriend in this scenario, here is my answer:
I believe reaching out to me is brave.
I believe reaching out to me is courageous.
I understand you may be scared and this whole situation is infuriating.
I don’t blame you for falling in love with him while you had no clue about me.
I know you feel hurt and used too.
I realize you are giving me the keys to make a crucial decision for myself.
Thank you for saving my life, Sis.
My Boyfriend’s Secret Girlfriend Saved My Life
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