My Breakup With Trying to Be Extraordinary
The desire to be extraordinary runs deep. We’re told to reach for the moon, dream big, and accept nothing less than the best.
Social media feeds are filled with incredible people doing extraordinary things, seemingly constantly. Even the minute details of someone’s lives, their lattes and outfits, Uber journeys and journals, seem to be just a little bit better than ours. How do we even begin to compete?
We try, of course. We spend money, time, and so much energy in our quest to become “more”. Our desire to be extraordinary influences our actions, choices, and how we feel about ourselves. When we don’t hit the mark, we feel less-than and not good enough. Being exceptional is the goal, and so many of us feel as though we’re falling short.
Because the truth is this: no one wants to be average, anymore. Being anything less than extraordinary is seen as being boring, uninteresting, and mundane. The label of “average” is seen as an insult.
According to Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic, Ph.D., most personality traits are evenly distributed. Therefore, MOST of us have average levels of creativity, intelligence, memory, etc. The problem is this: most people rate themselves as “above average” on most attributes, which, of course, is statistically impossible.
It seems we so badly want to be anything but ordinary, we’re fooling ourselves into thinking we’re better than we really are.
Our constant desire for greatness presents problems beyond our lack of self-awareness, of course. When we’re constantly striving, and spending our time looking around at those who we perceive as having something we lack, we spend our time in a state of perpetual unhappiness.
Who, of course, wants to feel as though they are constantly lacking?
A lot of our desire for greatness starts, as most things do, with our parents. There is not a thing wrong, of course, with parents wanting their children to succeed. The problem comes when greatness is perceived as the only path to happiness and success.
From the college admissions scandal, to parents pushing their children into gifted programs, it appears our focus is often on achievement, despite the costs.
Because the truth is, greatness isn’t the path to happiness, and not only that, being anything other than average can actually be a bit of a liability. Our world seems to be built for those who are, basically, average.
Cars are clothing are made for average-sized people, television shows and documentaries are made to cater to the interests of average people, and our educational system is geared mainly towards the average student.
According to the National Association for Gifted Children, for example, being gifted, meaning having exceptional talent or ability, is not a label to aspire to and gifted children shouldn’t be imagined to be at the top of the pack. “Instead picture a horizontal framework. Ask yourself, how far are students from the center, from the middle, from the norm? The students at both extremes are exceptional students who need a qualitatively different education.”
Furthermore, gifted children, while being academically very smart, often suffer from anxiety and have increased social struggles, according to Davidson Institute.
It appears, therefore, average has a thing or two going for it. More important than just having an easy life, though, appreciating our ordinariness is the most straightforward path to a joyful life.
“You can find something truly important in an ordinary minute.” -Mitch Albom
It’s those ordinary, everyday moments that have the power to transform our lives. Pulling the car over to watch a beautiful sunset, the first sweet summer fruits of the season, a good conversation or genuine laugh with a friend. Acknowledging the simple moments that make up our lives is the cornerstone of genuine gratitude and happiness.
My mission, therefore, is to learn to be perfectly happy living an altogether ordinary life.
This doesn’t mean I’ll no longer follow my passions and give my all to everything I do. Not at all. I’m a writer and a creative and a mom, and those things are always worthy of my all.
What this does mean, though, is I’ll focus less on making each moment Instagram-worthy, and concentrate instead on seeing the beauty that is already all around me.
I’ll recognize the most valuable gifts I have to give-my presence, my time, my attention and my love, have nothing to do with my number of followers, published works, or adoring fans.
In my life, as well as yours, it’s the ordinary moments that make up the indelible fabric of our lives.
My Breakup With Trying to Be Extraordinary
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