Mother passed away and I don’t want my boyfriend
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1 posts since
5 Oct 2015
Hello,
I was extremely close to my mum and I looked after her 24/7 in her final few weeks. Sadly, she passed away after a long fight with breast cancer. Quickly after her death I went travelling with my boyfriend and between us we were really good. Since coming home, the shock of losing my mum hit me and suddenly I had to grieve and get used to house etc and then I was back at uni with even more stress and work – I live at uni during term time. Now, i’ve started pushing my boyfriend away and hes irritating me. We’ve been together for 5 years and we were so happy but now I dont feel the same way and I cant think of a rational reasoning why. I don’t want to break up with him if my feelings are being distorted because I’m going through grief. I told him that I was going to start going to counselling to talk through my issues and he got upset and offended that I wasn’t talking to him.
I’m going through so much and I cant think clearly – especially in what is best for me and my relationship.
Any advice?
2176 posts since
14 Jan 2013
Hi Bluebell ……… I am so very sorry to hear that your Mum passed away and can only imagine how difficult her loss has been for you to cope with. I think that you are probably right that by going away, you have had a delay in coming to terms with things and are grieving now that life has returned to its ‘new normal’ for you.
Sometimes when we lose someone we love so much, we mentally push others away a little because we know we cant cope with going through that hurt again – a kind of self-imposed safety net I guess – and we dont even realise we are doing it!
I think your idea of seeing a counsellor is a very good one. McMillan (usually based at your local hospital) normally have a Relationship Counsellor for those affected by cancer. It would be great for you to maybe see the counsellor alone and then, if he agrees, for you and your partner to see them together. The counsellor should also be able to assure your partner that he is doing all ‘the right things’ by being supportive to you – but sometimes, in such a complex situation, a little outside help is also needed. It sounds like your relationship is a good one and worth fighting for.
This forum is also a great place to write down your emotions and get them off your chest. There are many others here who have lost their Mum/Dad and will understand your feelings at this time. If you type in something like ‘lost my Mum to Cancer’ in the Search Forum slot on the purple strip above – other threads will come up from people in the same situation and you may be able to post on recent discussions and find support.
Please keep in touch whenever you need and I hope you get in touch with McMillan and they can help you both x
52 posts since
4 Feb 2015
daer bluebellegray sorry about your mum i can understand how you feel i was the same after my mum who passed away last december to ovarian cancer, having previous been in remission from early stage breast cancer since 2011, you don,t feel like talking to your friends, its really hits you in the face when you lose a parent and even after ten months of losing mum who really suffered the three weeks in hospital, i don,t see much of freinds because i don,t feel like it, because my mind is still on mum, esp this december has it going to bring it all back, i am sure your boyfriend will understand how you feel and hope he will support you, like i have the support of my three sisters, it will take time before it starts to get a bit easy, just take one day at a time,and i am sure you will get there, oggi
10 posts since
15 Aug 2015
Bless you. Counselling is a very good idea. My husband said ” oh, well you are an emotional person”… WTF. But he meant well I guessed…yes, I’ve suddenly lot my mum to undiagnosed cancer, yes I do feel emotional to put it lightly. I think we start to re-evaluate ours lives and the people in it. The bf probably wants to care for you and be the one who is your rock he still can be that, but you need any help you can get. Sending big hugs to you xxxx
2 posts since
13 Aug 2019
I feel the same .. at present time my mum is on her last days. Me and my dad are sat everyday night waiting for her final breath. My partner has two boys from a previous marriage and had booked a trip to take his boys long before we met.
i know it’s not his fault because it’s just bad timing but I feel betrayed by him and angry and I’m pushing him away when he’s been super nice to me and feel as if I want to end it, My father loves my mother so much and he won’t leave her side so both of us are exhausted staying in hospice. I feel I’m trying to be strong for him but no one to be strong for me. Not really sure how I will go on with the relationship.
1025 posts since
3 May 2018
Its a hard road is life i know how you feel but its its harder on your own .just try not to make any big desiahions for the moment just forget and think about what your going through when my partner was dieing i i went out and had a blub on my own it is exhausting a good blub lets the tenshion out my thoghts are with you your dad and your mum .paul
2 posts since
13 Aug 2019
Thank you Paul for your advice cat
Mother passed away and I don’t want my boyfriend
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