Stage 4 lung cancer
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4 posts since
4 Nov 2018
Hi All this is my 1st time ever posting…. what I hope to receive is some feed back on what to expect .. here’s my story
Im very happily married with 2 kids 19 & 14, my mam , dad and 3 brothers. Our worlds came crushing down last February when we were told my dad (who is also my best friend) has stage 4 lung cancer, ( the primary was the lung)my mam isn’t good dealing with the medical team or filling out forms or dealing with social workers, so I have taken on that role. Anyway to cut a long journey short my dads chemo hasn’t worked and the cancer spread, he is now doing a trail drug ( he has one session left) I have noticed that his appetite is gone very bad, and his colour isnt good, I have to keep positive for everyone my children are extremely close to my mam and dad I have been very honest with my children and tokd them how sick there grandad is I explained that they can ask me anything and I will try my best to answer any questions or if I dont know the answers I will find out for them, I told them not to be afraid to ask or talk about it, I think they feel they might upset me.
I don’t know what to expect next with my dad, what signs do I need to look out for, I know this might sound terrible but if I know in advance I can maybe deal with and try to prepare my mam and kids as whats ahead , I know this is sounding crazy
Me personally I can’t even think about what life will be like, its like im going through I dont know its like been on a roundabout and you cant get off cause if you do the people around you will panic so I need to stay strong and positive and I just take each day at a time, but its very scary not knowing what to expect.
Not sure if anyone can help with this one
1159 posts since
19 Jun 2013
Hello Amber1,
Welcome to the forum although I’m really sorry to hear about your Dad’s diagnosis.
Understandably this is a difficult time for you all. One of the side effects for many treatments for cancer can alter someone’s appetite. It’s worth having a chat with Dad’s medical team about his appetite as they may be able to assist with some medication or supplements.
Having a fuller picture of what is going on for your Dad right now, the team should be able to help answer some of the other questions that you’ve mentioned in your post. Alternatively you could call and speak to one of our team of nurses here at Cancer Research UK. They are available Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm on 0808 800 4040.
Many of the members here on the forum will have cared for loved ones and be able to identidy with the thoughts and feelings you’ve talked about. Taking each day at a time is a sensible strategy for helping to cope with everything that you have going on.
You’re very welcome to post here Amber, to ask questions, to offload or to just chat with others who will be able to understand some of what you are dealing with.
Sending our best wishes,
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator
4 posts since
4 Nov 2018
Thank you
1 posts since
11 Nov 2018
Hi Amber, my mum was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in May of this year and her chemo failed. It seems to be quite normal for this to happen, for a third of people chemo doesn’t work. My mum is on a drug just out of trial called immunotherapy and is 4 sessions in. She had a scan not long ago and at the moment her cancer is spreading and has now shown up on her liver. Her appetite varies greatly and at times she doesn’t eat at all then she is ok again. I know this drug causes loss of appetite and fatigue etc. It’s so confusing because the cancer spreading can give same side effects. I go day by day because if I think any further I get really frightened. I don’t have any support and am trying to prop my parents up. I’m ok until someone asks me if I’m ok and then I just seem to crumble. I have the overwhelming urge to ask the oncologist how long mum has because o feel so uneasy not having a clue but mum just can’t deal with any information. She cries a lot saying she’s frightened and doesn’t know how much more she can take. I really understand where you are coming from. There’s no way out. I’d like it to all go away as I’m sure you would xx
1 posts since
13 Nov 2018
Amber, I’m sorry about your dad’s diagnosis. I have just been through the same with my mum. She has a particularly aggressive stage 4 cancer. She died in July after 5 months of being diagnosed.
I was very much like you, I took the main role of sorting doctors ect out. I asked for a Douglas Macmillan nurse to manage mums pain. They were wonderful and were able to get my mum in a family lodge three weeks before she died, which meant we were able to move in with her so she was never alone.
The signs vary, but at stage 4 loss of appetite is common. As is some confusion at times, depression and lack of interest in things they used to enjoy.
I would ask the doc directly how long if you want to know. I did, to prepare myself. It helped with the shock of her going.
It’s a hard hard journey ahead. You will have hopes raised and dashed over and over. Try to keep some days to yourself, treat your dad as normal, but loads of love, say everything you want to say. I can’t tell you how important that is once they’ve gone.
My mum faced her diagnosis with bravery, she knew as she said, it was going to be a ‘quick one’. We managed to have some good times along the way, and I was glad to be with her along the way.
It sounds like you are strong, you’ll get through it, go with your own instincts, listen to your dad, and try to get Douglas McMillan involved. Good luck.
2 posts since
15 Aug 2019
Hi there I found this post really helpful.
my dad has just been diagnosed with stage 4 and I’m struggling as I’m really close to him we a close family all round.
i have a 3 year old son who’s extremely close to grumpy and has grown up with him in his life with no longer than a week apart for a holiday. I’m currently 27 weeks pregnant and struggling with understanding whether I need to be positive for him which I am being but and I in denial – do I need to prepare for months rather than years ?!
Everyone in my family is suffering but doesn’t really want to talk about it head on so I’m googling constantly and not feeling like my understanding is getting any better someone please help with what lays ahead.
La
4 posts since
4 Nov 2018
Good Morning Honeysky
My advice would be to meet with the medical team write out your questions before hand and no question is a silly question, that way you will know the plan but never give up and always stay positive, my dad is still fighting and I do believe in saying positive and always ask for a second opinion. Best of luck
4 posts since
4 Nov 2018
Hi Ivymum
Many thanks for your post, dad is still fighting even though ee were told mp longer than last October. I truly believe in staying positive its hard at times but I do thimk it helps dads cancer is gone in to the brain since last November very aggressive again only told weeks, we are still fighting. As my dad would say we know who is going to win the war but we won’t go down without a fight and if he’s still strong enough to fight I will stand right beside him and fight all the way x
Stage 4 lung cancer
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