Authentic Role Modeling
Authentic role modeling is about a self well-expressed. The way you show up, the grace in which you handle tough situations, and the permission you give yourself to be authentic and vulnerable can greatly influence another person.
It’s not about giving unsolicited advice or thinking you know what is best for someone else. When your inner light shines on someone it helps them see themselves. You are not here to fix anyone. You are simply here to evolve and freely express yourself so that others may see the possibilities and the beauty of imperfection.
Role modeling is about holding unconditional space for another person’s experience. The deeper your inner dive, the easier it becomes to sit with another person without the need to change them. Your smile, eye contact, genuine curiosity, humility, and ability to truly listen can be a catalyst for others to feel seen and heard. As mentioned earlier, many of us have never felt truly seen, partly because we hide ourselves and partly because of the projections we experience from others.
It’s time to break this cycle. As you develop yourself and choose each moment to fully express, you will create a ripple effect around you.
We must not underestimate how much children look up to us as role models. It’s not about what you say to them, but how your presence feels to them. Your inner world doesn’t just create your reality, it shapes theirs as well. In order for us to create more “play space” for the next generation, we must nurture the personal development of the adults who can then consciously role model the infinite possibilities for our children.
Let’s not forget that we are all tied together. Our shared human experience and the collective agreements we uphold for the system to function as it does are the threads that bind us.
What do you want the world to be like? Loving, accepting, kind? What about unlimited, authentic, vibrant, passionate, and forgiving? If you aspire to this, it’s up to you to embody these for yourself first.
We’ve all felt restricted in some way or another. Many of us have adopted a psychology around lack, limitation, and scarcity that we unknowingly pass on to our children. This isn’t intentional of course, but it is an unfortunate byproduct when we can’t see our own habits and limitations. Communication patterns work the same way.
What I am about to say is by no means an attempt to blame you or say you are doing something wrong. We’re all screwing this up together because no one taught us these things in the first place. Not because they didn’t care, but because they didn’t know. The question I invite you to sit with is, “How is my presence impacting the children of this world, and what am I willing to do about it from this moment forward?”
Children watch and learn constantly. They pick up on subtle cues from other people’s interactions and develop a rulebook for what they view as acceptable and unacceptable behavior. They can feel when there is tension in a room and they watch how it’s handled. They sense when someone close to them is lying and learn it’s OK to lie. They observe their older brothers being told to toughen up and learn it’s not OK for them to feel their feelings. Children of divorced parents may hear each other say mean things, trying to get the kids to take sides. How do you think this impacts our children? From teachers, to babysitters, police officers, parents, aunts, uncles, and celebrities, we’re all contributing to the collective social consciousness and something isn’t working.
Here are a some more examples of how we unknowingly pass on our way of being to our children:
They learn how to be by the way we are being. Remember, your presence is your power. If you dislike the state you currently find the world in, then ask yourself how you can show up differently.
LET THE CHILDREN LEAD
Over a decade ago I was a counseling intern at an elementary school in a low income neighborhood plagued by gang violence, drugs, familial incarceration, and domestic abuse. Early on, I realized that my role wasn’t to be another person in their life telling them they are doing it wrong. They were products of their environment and there was no way I could effectively reach into their family system and fix anything. That wasn’t my job. My role was simply to love them unconditionally and model patience, acceptance, healthy boundaries, surrender, authenticity, and vulnerability. I had to trust that my presence alone could be enough to seed a possibility in their young minds.
It seemed like everyone in their lives, from friends, older siblings, extended family, and teachers were telling them how they should be and what was wrong with them. I took a different approach. I became a kid with them. I let them teach me. I watched as their imagination was granted full permission to explore. I asked questions out of genuine curiosity without any agenda. I selectively disclosed parts of my story that were relatable to show I understood and that I struggled too. I allowed them to be the expert on life, and you know what? I learned a lot. I learned they pick up on a gentle loving presence and soften their armor even if nothing is said. I learned that engaging them in their inner world not only helps them feel seen, but shows them how creative they really are. I learned that I had buried my inner child away from the world because I had to give this whole “adulting” thing a try. Look how well that turned out.
Beyond the heartache I experienced over and over again from listening to their stories, there was a valuable lesson about fully showing up.
You don’t have to go out to the world with an agenda and create something profound. Simply allowing yourself to lead life with an open heart is enough to have an impact on the world around you. A genuine smile can brighten another person’s day. Saying hello to a stranger can show them everyone isn’t closed off. Asking for a hug instead of a hand shake can move you into a more intimate connection with the other person. Being of service to those in need can model care and support. Deeply listening to someone without the need to say anything can provide space for them to explore their inner world on their own. Making eye contact can show you are really present. Everyone will choose to show up differently in the world adding to the dynamic unfolding of consciousness on this planet.
The question to ask yourself is, “What impact is my presence having on this world?” Your authentic and loving presence alone is enough to create systemic change.
As you take responsibility for your well-being, choose to show up authentically, give yourself permission to be vulnerable, and learn to trust the process, you will reconfigure the lens through which you view the world and you will embody that which others yearn for.
This yearning is often subtle, stemming from deep within. Many of us are unaware of what we are missing until we see others standing authentically in their light and power. “If only I could be like that,” we say quietly to ourselves, yet caving in to the programmed beliefs that keep us feeling small.
Role modeling isn’t about putting yourself or anyone else on a pedestal. It’s about simply showing up in life, owning your feelings and projections, and authentically connecting with those you encounter.
No matter where you are on your journey it’s important to keep a beginners mind because you can always learn from another person’s perspective. Opening yourself up to mentorship from others can provide additional support on your journey toward self-actualization. Learning from others who have walked in similar trenches can provide valuable insight about navigating life with as much grace as possible.
Collectively, we are a catalyst for societal change because we choose to reach out as a source of light to those we encounter. We recognize the self-inquiry journey never ends and the more we learn the more we can model. We know this isn’t about perfection because showing the vulnerable parts of ourselves can be just as powerful as sharing the integrated parts. It’s about modeling that it is OK not to be perfect. It demonstrates self-acceptance and ownership over our habitual ways of being, knowing we will continue to learn and grow. We choose to seed limitless possibilities in the young minds and water them with encouragement. The light within us that is no longer trapped behind the walls of societal conditioning will inevitably shine upon the seeds we’ve planted to help the next generation truly flourish.
Choose to take action. Reach out to local organizations that work with at risk children. Offer help to young adults who aspire to be like you. Create opportunities for young, budding entrepreneurs to shadow you at work to learn both the hard and soft skills of business. Start a support group for adolescents to share their experiences so they know they are not alone. Invite your friends to participate in events that bring young people together. Stand tall as a model and be genuine in your guidance.
Make different choices, show up authentically, and be the light you wish to see in the world. The next generation is counting on us.
Authentic Role Modeling
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