Thoughts From A Former Fat Kid
Today I look back at it and it seems like a strange dream.
I’m a former fat kid (FFK).
I think I might have been or at least been one step away from morbidly obese.
A specific memory of mine revolves around me getting weighed in 4th grade at school. The needle on that old school scale hit 180 lbs. It wasn’t broken, it was speaking the truth.
That was a reality.
I have random memories about things in my life back then. I remember getting frequent nosebleeds. I guess that was because my blood pressure was so high. That seems so strange now, but it was just something that happened back then.
I remember eating so much I wanted to throw up. Strangely enough, that wouldn’t stop me. I couldn’t imagine doing that now. Who would ever want to?
The ideas of calories or fat meant nothing to me. If nutritional information was on the back of a label, I would have never known. I was more interested in whatever was in the bag or box.
McDonald’s was one of my four basic food groups. Actually, it could be all four, there was no push back from me. That drive-through was a way of life. I’d haunt my mom until she’d take me through.
She didn’t think she was doing anything bad. Just being a good mom and giving her kid what he wanted. And did I ever want it?
A Happy Meal was for pikers. Even as a little kid, the memory of ordering the biggest hamburger and biggest container of fries are fresh in my mind.
I’d be sure to reach for the biggest bag of chips I could get my hands on in the supermarket. Ice cream was a must too; it was in that perfectly square container. It fit so well into the shopping cart. You could fit it in exactly between the other items, like a Tetris block.
At this age, health wasn’t part of the equation. I’d just reach for anything and everything that taste good.
Don’t even get me started on donuts. The perfectly round doughy pieces of heaven were part of my eating safari as well.
There’s also this strange memory of pants too.
Because I was so damn fat I had a hard time fitting in them. The ‘husky’ aisle is where I was relegated to.
I also have vivid memories of sweat pants too. There were drawers filled with these in my house; mainly because those were the only things that really fit me.
Till this day as an FFK, you’ll never find a pair of sweatpants in my wardrobe. It brings back too many unpleasant memories. Memories of a time where I was confined to sweatpants.
I was a smart kid, or at least my teachers and parents told me so. I did what I was told and got great grades, so they rewarded me.
Food was one reward and another was video games. Atari, Nintendo, Sega, and Xbox became another life for me. I may have been a fat ass in real life, but in those games, the weight had no effect on my abilities.
Strangely enough, it wasn’t like my body was immobile. You might have called me ‘athletically overweight’, if there was such a category as that. Football, hockey, and skiing were things I’d do on occasion.
But those were boring compared to a video game. The video games didn’t involve sweating. You never got dirty or even had to leave the house. Just roll out of bed and turn on the television and you had instant entertainment.
There were endless games too. Any kind of adventure you could imagine was present on the shelf. Screw playing football, Madden 93′ was much more entertaining. You could even eat Doritos and win the Super Bowl at the same time.
The games were all-encompassing. When there was no school, video games consumed me. They were preferable to going out and playing with friends. As you can imagine, the crap diet and sedentary lifestyle added up. My body got bigger and distorted.
Before you knew it, there was that moment on the scale where the needle hit 180.
As a fat kid, you know you’re fat. You have to look at yourself in the mirror every day. You see every inch of your body and it isn’t flattering. You know you don’t look like everybody else.
The kids around you know you don’t look like everybody else too. Being kids, who can be monstrous bastards, they let you know about it.
I was treated like a fat kid every day. At school and around school I was a target; an easy target. It wasn’t like somebody as big as me was hiding in the background. Everybody saw me and the vultures swooped in.
Getting called names was just a normal day. I’d get picked on and shoved around too.
I went to a Catholic School, so there was a dress code. Now, I was a fat kid wearing a shirt and tie. My stomach was so damn big it dwarfed the tie and made it look tiny on me. If I wasn’t a target before, I sure as hell was now.
I remember one particular bully. This tool grabbed me in the middle of the street and ripped my tie off and ripped my shirt open. He was older than me, so I was immediately afraid and didn’t know what to do.
The crazy thing about it was, he probably weighed 60 lbs less than I did. If I would have just fallen on him, he probably would’ve broken a rib. That thought never occurred to me at the time though. Video games, eating, and studying was my specialty, not breaking ribs.
This wouldn’t be the last time physical abuse came because of my size. At the time, fighting wasn’t my thing either. It would be something that would just have to be dealt with by living with it.
The weight made me an outsider and I was treated as such. Whether it was people saying things to me, or physically picking on me, I wouldn’t be welcomed to the group.
My older brother was fat when he was my age too. At some point going into high school, he started lifting weights. He dropped all the weight and became a powerlifter.
He bought a bench press, weights, and various pieces of equipment. He put the stuff conveniently in our basement. It was just a flight of steps away from me.
A strange idea popped into my 5th-grade head. If I could just keep my weight exactly as it is and exercise. Just keep to the 180 lbs as I aged, maybe I could grow into my weight.
Of course, he didn’t want me using his stuff and wouldn’t show me what to do. This would be a self-learning experience for me. By using the equipment, I learned how to use it.
Eventually, a regular routine developed. I used the fuel created by my tormentors to power me down the cellar steps after school every other day. Eventually, I just exercised without something driving me; it became a habit.
Within a year or so, results began to show themselves.
One day the kids in school were screwing around making muscles. Magically, I had decent sized biceps. It wasn’t magic, just time and I had never tried to make a muscle before.
I was still a fat kid in my mind though.
Another landmark happened as well. At some point, I noticed the nutrition labels on food. Everything had these labels on it. You could actually see the fat content in food.
All the time I’d been working out, my diet really hadn’t changed. Now, it was staring me in the face every time I went to a store. So much stuff I ate was so damn fatty. My diet would have to change too, that was the next step.
I gave up beef altogether and substituted it with poultry. Regular soda gave way to diet soda. I’d look at the fat content in everything that my hands touched. If my gut told me it was too much, it got removed from my diet.
This change started slowly and became ridiculous. McDonald’s hasn’t been in my eating vocabulary now for 26 years.
By the time high school came around, I was an FFK. The kids that went to grade school with me knew my fat history. However, all the new faces who came into my life had no idea.
These new people had no idea that was the fattest kid in school by far. I was 14 or 15 and weighed 180 lbs.
The plan that was hatched in 5th grade worked flawlessly. In addition to the physical change, there was a major mental change.
That change was discipline. Exercise replaced McDonald’s as part of my vocabulary. Working out was as important to me as homework was.
My physical change didn’t magically make me popular though. The cool kids didn’t suddenly open up their circle to me. However, they didn’t abuse me. They no longer treated me like a fat kid. Some even became my friends.
I was a random body in the school now. The spotlight of weight didn’t focus on me anymore. Hiding in the background was an option now and this was okay with me.
At some point as I continued on my journey, video games got cut out as well. This was replaced with martial arts.
Despite all the changes, going from the kid in the beginning of this article to the man at the end of the piece — the fat kid never totally went away.
That mindset is still there, expecting eyes of the crowd to be on me. The world may not see the weight on me anymore, but my mind still sees it on me.
Perhaps this is because the weight didn’t go away without leaving a memory on my body. When your body gets that big, certain things stretch. So no matter how much weight you lose, certain things don’t look completely normal.
It’s probably more than that though. You just don’t become fat physically, you become that way mentally. I think mentally, I’ll always see myself as a fat kid.
Some people like to promote self-esteem. They mean well by doing this, but I think it can hurt more than help sometimes. They’ll tell you-you’re fine just the way you are.
That wasn’t true for me. Maybe it’s not true for you either. I wasn’t fine just the way I was. If something feels off or you’re unhappy, you’re not fine just the way you are.
The memories of myself as a child weren’t happy. This wasn’t due to my parents or the world around me. I wasn’t happy with myself back then. I remember slouching my shoulders because of the unhappiness. The school nurse would criticize my poor posture.
This habit drug on so long for me, they had to put me in a back brace to correct damage to my spine. The doctors told me it was a spinal condition and eventually, surgery was needed. Honestly, it might have resulted from my body slouching so long because of the unhappiness.
I wanted to include pictures in this article of what I looked like as a kid, but couldn’t find them. A realization came to me. They were tossed in the trash. It made me unhappy to look at them, so I got rid of them.
If you’re overweight and unhappy with yourself, take action to change it. Slow constant steps in a direction eventually get you to your goal. It won’t be easy, but you’ll have the fortune of seeing gradual improvement over time.
If you’re not pleased with your level of education, educate yourself. Some of the most brilliant people who’ve ever lived were self-educated. In this world of technology, it’s that much easier to learn.
If you’re lonely, work to build your social circle. There are tons of networking gurus willing to show you tricks and tips to make connections.
Just because you are the way you are today doesn’t mean it has to be that way tomorrow. Take this from an FFK.
Finally, if there is something about yourself that makes you unhappy and you can’t change it. Something that you’re born with and will be with you till you die. Maybe it’s a disease or handicap, or something incurable.
You’re still not hopeless. Even the weakest link may have a hidden strength if it’s looked at with the proper eye. Sit down and list out your strengths. With this list, formulate a way to leverage these to your advantage.
Even a 5th grader can sit down and formulate a strategy. My 5th-grade self figured out my formula for weight loss.
Hopefully, this story of a former fat kid will help you navigate your way through your particular trouble.
Thank you for reading my ramblings, if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read please share
Thoughts From A Former Fat Kid
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