Enough: Let Go of the Past and Reclaim Your Life
“Yo, there’s that ugly girl Anna. Watch this.”
The girl with pretty eyes stepped in front of me and waved. Her smile was a concealed knife. She pointed to her friend. “My friend like you. She want your number.”
The girl cringed. She turned to the girl who’d stopped me. “Nah. That’s nasty. Let’s go.” They walked away laughing.
People bullied me a lot when I was younger. The above scene is one incident, but the bullying was constant. It was a consistent reminder of my so-called lack of self-worth. It was a weight on my spirit and followed me well into adulthood. I remember I couldn’t get rid of the ghosts in my head that echoed the sentiments of the girl mentioned above. Letting go is difficult. It’s a long journey and fraught with challenges. I’m not an expert, but I have wrestled with my pain. I’ve learned a few things that help those struggling with letting go of the past that holds them back.
I’m sure some of you are in the same boat. We all have something we need to let go but can’t. So you weren’t bullied. You might have been in an abusive relationship with an ex you can’t shake. Your parents might have treated you poorly. Whatever your situation is, ask yourself, “Does holding onto this baggage make me a better person”? Does it make me happier? Does it make me more productive? Or are you miserable and stuck?
If you’re stuck in the past, this article is for you. These principles and exercises lead to transformation if you listen and follow them. To begin, liberation begins with recognizing the various ways the past locks us in our own mind and dominates our future.
The past can trap us in two areas. We’re often attached to the pain of a situation that occurred in the past. An obvious example of this might be getting fired from a job on bad terms, or being in an abusive relationship. It sticks with us because of its impact. This is especially true of repeated situations.
The second way the past traps us is in the patterns we develop as a result of our prior circumstances. Being bullied led to a ton of self-worth issues for me that affected many areas of my life. I was afraid to get close to people. In my mind, they ‘might be talking about me behind my back’(much like the girl in high school). This put a serious strain on my relationships. I was constantly pushing people away until I rectified it using the principles found below.
Marcus Aurelius was a Roman Emperor who was often referred to as simply ‘the Philosopher’. This is because his journal entries were combined in a book called ‘The Meditations’. The Meditations elaborates on a system of practical philosophy called Stoicism. Stoicism uses various psychological exercises to help people improve their quality of life.
One of Marcus Aurelius’s most celebrated exercises is called the ‘View From Above’. In it, the participant is told to take a bird’s eye view of both their life, time, and the world. While you can find the entire script here, I’ll provide a shortened example below:
Performing this thought experiment helps you attain a global perspective. By remembering the vastness of the universe, the past takes up less space in your head. This makes letting go simple since your problems are no longer significant in the face of time or the vastness of space.
This exercise also connects you with humanity. You realize that everyone struggles with their own problems. Your problems aren’t unique in the grand scheme of things. Realizing this can be liberating. You have a very short amount of time on this earth. You need to spend it well.
Ancient philosophers in Western antiquity didn’t have a monopoly on practical philosophy. The philosophers of the East had many extraordinary revelations themselves
If you knew died tomorrow, how would you behave today? Would you care about that girl in high school that bullied you? Your divorce with your ex-husband? Your boss who yelled at you? I’ve found that contemplating death provides deep clarity on what’s important in life. When you realize that you may not have a ‘later’ to fall back on, how you approach life changes. Soon you experience everything you hold dear in HD. It’s focused on in minute detail. You become in tune with the present moment, rather than stuck in the past that’s most likely exaggerated. The following exercise, drawing from Buddhist thought(though decidedly secular) has helped me tremendously:
Perspective is the antidote to being stuck in the past. It allows you to let go of past frustrations and lead a more fulling life. The two exercises taught you a few valuable lessons.
Of course, this is only the beginning of the journey. Your past comes with its own baggage and being stuck in the past can lead to maladaptive patterns that hold you back.
The only way you can let go is to diminish the patterns that you’ve picked up as a result of your past trauma. Soon the past event that influenced your behavior will lose power. The following is a method of meditation that can be done anywhere. It draws heavily from Buddhist thought :
Now that you’ve slowed your reaction time, you have the opportunity to ask the big questions. Why do I feel this way? Is my reaction understandable given the current situation? Or is there a deeper reason for my emotion? Being yelled at a boss can make you angry, sad, anxious, or cool-headed depending on the type of person you are. Here are a few tips to get you started:
These methods will assist you in letting go of harmful behaviors that hold you back. It’ll also keep you from re-traumatizing yourself by acting out past events that no longer exist. By using them, you’ll feel calmer, and more in control in your day to day life.
I come from a past filled with strife. I often feel knee-deep in my own pain. Yet these exercises have given me relief and peace. They’ve helped me transcend my pain and become a calmer, more self-aware person. I still feel ghosts in my head, but I see hope too. It’s also my hope that you’ll feel peace in due time by using the exercises I’ve found useful. You deserve happiness and growth as a human being and I’ll be happy to have played my part in that. Live, love, and grow. Always.
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Enough: Let Go of the Past and Reclaim Your Life
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