How to Give and Receive Compliments at Work
Whether you’re a manager or a team member, giving and receiving compliments plays a major part in forming workplace relationships.
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Whether you are a manager or an individual contributor, giving and receiving compliments plays a critical role in building and maintaining relationships at work. When done well, a compliment is one of the most powerful ways to let someone know that we value and appreciate them. Yet, these seemingly positive interactions can be surprisingly tricky to navigate for both giver and receiver alike. One of my earliest research, published as “What to Do When Praise Makes You Uncomfortable,” revealed that although the number one thing people associate with being recognized is feeling valued (88%), nearly 70% of people associated embarrassment or discomfort with the process of both giving and receiving.Although compliments should be a positive experience — and most of the time they are — in my research, I have found the process of giving and receiving compliments often brings up a lot of anxiety for everyone involved. Givers express worries of being seen as a kiss-up, having their compliment misinterpreted, or triggering jealousy in others. On the receiving end, people feel they don’t deserve it, question the giver’s intentions, or worry that they won’t be able to produce the same result in the future.
I have found there are methods of both giving and receiving a compliment that helps cut through some of these barriers and make the experience more comfortable and trust-building. While it may seem counterintuitive, in order to get better at giving compliments we must first get better at receiving them.
Your boss or coworker catches you off guard with a compliment, and what should be a moment of pride instead sends your mind spinning as you awkwardly navigate how to respond. Although our reactions to compliments may be complicated, how we respond is not. Most people don’t realize compliments are often more about the giver than the receiver. When someone is complimenting you, they are actually sharing how what you did impacted them. It does not matter if you agree or disagree with what they are saying, just relate to it as a gift and accept it. The best way to respond to the kind words from a boss or coworker is to simply say “Thank you,” and if the compliment made a difference, let the person know. If you find yourself diverting the person’s compliment by passing the credit, making a joke, or awkwardly explaining why you don’t deserve it, recover the situation by saying: “I am working on getting better at accepting a compliment. Thank you.”
Here are a few ways to respond to a compliment:
If the person compliments you for another person’s work, redirect the compliment to the correct person:
If someone compliments you for something that was a team effort, share the appreciation:
If you are the team leader, note the person may be recognizing you for your role in leading your people, so be sure to first take the compliment, and then acknowledge the efforts of your team.
It is important to keep in mind that our habitual responses to compliments have been developed throughout our lives and, as with any habit, it will take effort and practice to change. Over the next week, pay attention to how you and others react to compliments and try using some of the responses above. After a few weeks, you may find that it is not that hard to just say, thank you!
Knowing how to compliment and recognize others is a fundamental leadership skill. However, few of us know how to do it effectively. Over the last decade, I have interviewed and surveyed thousands of people to understand what makes a powerful compliment. I found that the most memorable and impactful messages are authentic and specific, focusing on the process they went through to produce it. Here are a few tips on how to give a powerful compliment:
Be Authentic. The most important part of any compliment is that your intention is authentic. Don’t compliment the person to butter them up before making a request, soften the blow before giving difficult feedback, or to try and cheer them up after a mistake. If your intention is not genuine, neither is your compliment. When you are inauthentic in your recognition, people may think you are inauthentic in other areas as well. A good rule to follow is: Don’t compliment someone because you feel you should; compliment them because you feel compelled to let them know how they impact you or others.
Be Specific. As with giving feedback or instructions, when you compliment someone, you want to share it in a way that does not leave the person with any questions. For example,
When we share, it is important to give details and examples to help the person comprehend the context of our remarks. When we are clear with our compliments, the person understands exactly what we are expressing and why.
Focus on the Process, Not Just the Result. In my research, I found that people rarely want to be recognized for the result, but instead, the process and effort that went into producing the result. Compliments that only focus on the result often trigger a concern for the receiver of not being able to produce the same result in the future. When recognizing someone, show them that you appreciate the time, sacrifice, creativity, or care that went into their work.
Share the Impact. Remember that a compliment is often more about the giver than the receiver. When we compliment someone, we are actually sharing how what they did impacted us. If you want to give a powerful compliment, give the person a window into what you experienced and how it impacted you or others. Consider sharing how their leadership impacts the team, their work impacts the company’s results, or how their attitude impacts the team environment.
The next time you feel compelled to give a compliment, before you share, pause for a minute and answer the following questions.
Over time, answering these questions will become second nature as you begin to master the art of giving and receiving powerful compliments. You can begin to practice immediately. Who have you been meaning to compliment?
How to Give and Receive Compliments at Work
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