“I Didn’t Choose to Look This Way”
We all need to stop judging one another on appearances
As we grow up, through social interaction and awareness of the world, we learn and absorb the idea that our physical appearance is important, and we do our best to conform to the ideals placed in front of us; we scorn those who fail to meet the standards set by god-knows-who, and we praise people for making their physical appearance a priority, and, in our eyes, succeeding in their physical presentation of the self. The cycle repeats.
Judge, scorn, compliment, worry (about our own appearances), pass on this narrative to the next generation.
I’m not so much talking about weight/fat/muscle here; these elements of our bodies are changeable, and we will all inevitably vary in shape and size throughout our lives and due to factors such as health, age, or pregnancy.
The thoughts and feelings we attach to our bodies are associated with more than just self-esteem and beauty; concerns about health amongst other things. And like it or not, we are at least partially responsible or in control of these elements.
What I want to focus on, are the parts and features of our bodies and faces that we have no control over, and have had no choice in our embodiment of.
Our facial features; the unique shapes and sizes of our limbs; the colour of our skin; the shape of our teeth; our freckles! The things that make us look like us.
We are all unique, all different, but there is so much pressure to look a particular way, and so much shame attached to possessing ‘undesirable’ parts and features.
Our faces and the appearance of our physical bodies certainly don’t matter one jot when we’re at home by ourselves, or indulging in a period of solitude in our happy place –wherever that may be.
The reason we care, the reason we scorn ourselves, is entirely down to the gaze of others.
If you take away the threat of that gaze, we’re all more than happy to walk around with our fat jiggling, noses running and hair filled with bugs. Okay, perhaps that’s an extreme example of our inclination to float around in our own filth, but the message is there.
Humans are undeniably social. We live our lives in a connected world; that is not going to, and shouldn’t ever, change. It’s natural that we want to make a good impression on others, and social rejection is quite possibly the most significant underlying fear within us all. Our lives pretty much depend on our relationships with other human beings.
We care what others think, and we want them to judge us favourably.
And sadly, we know, that a very large part of people’s judgements about us (particularly before they know anything more about us than what they can see on the exterior,) inevitably rise from our physical appearances.
Beauty lies within.
And yes, the truth is that the person that you are exists beneath your face and within your body. Our bodies are merely tools that enable our souls to carry out their duties, to reach others, and to experience, through physical senses, everything the world has to offer us.
We exist in our minds.
If you took your mind and placed it into another body, you would still be you. You are not your physical body. You are not your appearance. You are simply you.
It’s easy enough to say “I will just stop caring what I look like because my appearance doesn’t represent my true being and if people can’t see that then they can kiss my …” but when it comes to actually putting it into practice, we often fall short of exemplary.
The sad thing is, we do unnecessarily judge people for things that are out of their control. We have all done it. Don’t pretend you are above it.
This is what we need to stop. Immediately.
We want to understand people, their opinions, their motivations, their nature. To do this we make judgements based on fragments on information available to us. It’s natural.
But we cannot use the physical features of somebody as a form of understanding anything about them.
How can we possibly infer something about someone from that which is out of their control?
If something is not a choice — not an active component in the construction of one’s identity — how can we possibly pass judgement on such a feature?
It’s another matter entirely but the same could be said for the size or appearance of one’s intimate body parts. Why do we shame people for things they have come to embody by chance, not choice? How dare we?
I’m not going to tell you to simply stop worrying about and hating on your physical features; I understand, it’s not your fault; people are mean.
What I am going to do is tell you to stop picking out the physical features of others and using them as reasons to distance yourself from them, or to enhance your own self-esteem through comparison.
Through doing this you are only confirming to yourself that people are shallow and superficial, which in turn will increase your anxieties around your own appearance.
Think twice before you next write off the guy on that dating app for being ‘too short’ or having ‘thin lips.’
Before you tactically avoid the checkout lane of the shop assistant with the ‘weird eyes.’
I’m not asking you to forgo judgement altogether; learning about others and deciding whether or not we would like them in our lives, in however large or small a way, is an important skill to hone.
Just make sure your judgement and consequent decisions have some legitimate grounding.
Give people a fudging chance.
📝 Read this story later in Journal.
🍎 Wake up every Sunday morning to the week’s most noteworthy stories in Wellness waiting in your inbox. Read the Noteworthy in Wellness newsletter.
“I Didn’t Choose to Look This Way”
Research & References of “I Didn’t Choose to Look This Way”|A&C Accounting And Tax Services
Source
0 Comments