If Someone Calls You Lazy, Agree.

by | May 18, 2019 | Uncategorized | 0 comments

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If Someone Calls You Lazy, Agree.

When I was 22 at a family party, an older relative said I was lazy because I decided to go to graduate school instead of having kids. This was followed by the usual “kids these days” and “when he was my age”-style griping.

I didn’t feel like getting into it. I knew I wanted to go to graduate school. I knew I wasn’t ready for kids.

So I just agreed with him.

“Yup. I’m lazy.”

He didn’t know what to say. The conversation was immediately over. I could tell he was expecting me to argue. But I really wanted to enjoy my family time, and not get swept up in a debate about my personal decisions.

Oddly enough, he’s never called me lazy since then.

“Lazy” is a word that is carelessly thrown around. When someone calls someone else lazy, what they’re really saying is, “I don’t like how they choose to spend their time.” But it’s disguised as a moral judgment. It implies that someone is a bad or unworthy person.

You can’t win this argument, because it’s not really an argument. It’s a bullying tactic.

The only way to win the “lazy” argument is to do things you don’t want to do to prove you’re not lazy in the eyes of this one person. And then you’re not really winning anything. In a roundabout way, you’ve just let someone bully you into a life you didn’t want.

Or, you can get angry and argue everything you have done. You can take it personally. You can list all your proudest accomplishments and sacrifices, only to have this person continue to call you lazy. And then what? You feel deflated, down about your accomplishments, unworthy. Like you haven’t done enough.

Both sound unfun.

So when someone calls you lazy, just agree. This is a roundabout way of saying you don’t care about their opinion, that they can’t control what you do.

Why is this such an indirect form of bullying? One is less likely to say, “I don’t agree with how you’re spending your time.” Because that statement is easier to dismiss. It’s a lot easier, in that situation, to see that this person’s judgment is their own personal problem.

So now, when I hear anyone call someone else “lazy,” I really see that as a weakness in the person saying it. They have a personal problem with how someone else is spending their time, and they have to vilify them.

How can someone else really know what someone should be doing with their time? With their life? Who knows that better than you? And even if you don’t know what to do with your life, you still have a better idea than someone else.

If you need to take some time off before you commit to a job or a drastic change, this doesn’t mean you’re lazy. It doesn’t mean you’re stalling. It means you’re unsure. Jumping into one relationship after another, one career after another, one anything after another does not mean you’re somehow more productive than someone who takes ample time to think about their life choices.

And if you’re on a path you have carefully chosen, and someone calls you lazy for it, then really, their opinion is none of your business. That’s their problem. And on any path you take, someone is going to have a problem with it. So why not pick the path you want?

If someone calls you lazy, agree with them. Then they’ll have to move on.

And you’ll be free to do what you know you’re supposed to do.

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