Losing a parent at a young age
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12 posts since
11 Nov 2020
My dad died on 1 December. He had metastatic bowel cancer that spread to the liver then lung and died six years after diagnosis.
I really really don’t know how to live in a world without him, how to carry on and have a life of my own. I’m 19, my sister is only 16 and now it’s just us and mum at home. These last months have been so difficult, everything is so raw and we have no other family to rely on, so it’s like a huge hole has appeared in our close and loving family.
Ive read and posted things on here before and while I find it reassuring to know i’m not alone, I just find it hard to read about people losing their parents when they’re old. Dad never got to watch us grow up, he said his aim was to watch me graduate and he won’t even get that. He was too young and strong and had plans, having only just retired. Him and Mum wanted to travel and had been together for 34 years. I don’t know how to process the anger I feel at this and I know losing anyone is horrible, but it’s hard for me to listen to people saying ‘i’ve been there’, when their parent died in their 80s after watching grandchildren grow up. I’m scared my memory of him will fade and that I can’t create new memories with him.
I just miss him loads, I don’t know what to do.
63 posts since
30 Jan 2019
Hey,
‘I know how you feel’, then again I don’t because I was 31 so did have more years with my dad who was 58, BUT I was pregnant with their first grandchild and my wedding was booked.
He went to sleep 2 weeks before the baby was born and I went ahead (somehow?!) with a big white wedding 5 months to the day. I have no idea how I did these things, it was all a blur, my heart wasn’t in it and one of the most important people in my life wasn’t there.
I remember people telling me they knew how I feel because they’d lost their 80/90 year old mum/dad… erm no. no you have no idea. At the very least the difference is yours got the years they deserved.
It’s me, mum and my sister. We are 21 months on and it’s hard, but you will get through it day by day I promise.
I like you never thought we would, but you just find a way to live and keep his memory alive xx
56 posts since
24 Oct 2019
Hi
im so sorry for your loss, my children are the same age and lost there dad to lung cancer sept 2019 and he was just 54. We are a close family and came as a complete shock as happened within 4months. We had been together 26 happy years. I think it is very brave of you to reach out in this site, we are like you just me and my two children we just seem to carry on day by day . I got puppy not long after he passed away and she has been amazing for us another focus. How is your mum doing ? Are you at uni? Remember this is early days and you must be kind to yourself.
Victoria x
12 posts since
11 Nov 2020
Thank you for replying Victoria, it was really comforting to read about your experience, and nice to know we aren’t alone.
It feels like everything is getting more painful now the funeral and things like that are over. I can see mum is struggling with sleep and of course worrying about us, like my sister going back to school and her going to work.
I haven’t started uni yet, i’m planning to go next year but worried about just sitting at home and not being able to fill the time. Obviously made harder with covid, as we all feel quite isolated.
Im really glad you responded to my post. We also have a puppy and she’s a good distraction (and dad chose her last year which makes her extra special)
Sending love xx
12 posts since
11 Nov 2020
Yes it just seems like there’s no choice and the people left behind have to keep on living and finding ways to build a life around what happened.
Thank you for replying, right now I’m finding it so useful to hear about other people’s experiences and finding those who somewhat understand how I feel.
Much love xx
5 posts since
5 Dec 2020
Hi Nancy,
I’m really sorry for your loss and I can totally empathise with how you’re feeling.
I lost my mum on the 6th of December. She had bowel cancer which then spread to her bones and liver. Apparently, it is extremely rare for bowel cancers to spread like this so she was extremely unlucky.
Although I am slightly older than you (I’m 25), I completely understand your situation. I am also living at home and it had just been me, my sister (28), my dad and mum. She did everything for us-she worked full time, managed bills, organised Christmas, birthdays etc. She really was the glue that held the family together.
Even though I have my dad and sister, I still feel very lonely. None of my friends have lost a parent so while they say they’re there to support me, they’ll never fully understand what I’m going through until it happens to them.
I’d love to talk to other young people who have lost a parent. If you like, I can send you a private message. I think it will help to share our experiences.
Rachel x
12 posts since
11 Nov 2020
Hi Rachel,
Im sorry that you’re all going through the pain of losing your mum, but i’m also relieved that you reached out. Please do feel free to message me as, like you, I’m feeling quite lonely at the moment and I like the idea of being able to share how I feel with someone who understands. It would be good for us to share our experiences with each other.
Nancy x
Losing a parent at a young age
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