Mum dying and I am completely alone
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13 posts since
25 Nov 2019
This is the first time I have posted on this forum.
I am so stressed and sad and I cannot sleep.
I am 25 and Mum was diagnosed with cancer 6 years ago. The last 6 years have been hell and I have devoted all of the spare time in my life to looking after her and making her happy , despite having a stressful full time job alongside studying.
The doctors told us a couple of months ago there is nothing more they can do and it won’t be long. Mum is deteriorating before my eyes and I just can’t cope.
I have no one to call, no one to be there for me, no one to support me. I don’t have one friend or one family member. My mum is my only family and friend. There is no one else. It makes me so upset to read other forums when people say they only have their children/husband/best friend/sibling etc when I have literally no-one. I’ve devoted the last 6 years to my mum and I have tried my very best to make friends but I’ve found people don’t stick around when they hear about mum.
I just feel so alone and Mum is so so so upset as she doesn’t want to leave me and I just don’t know how to cope with it all. I do see a therapist weekly which helps a bit but she can’t magic up friends and a family for me.
I guess I’m just posting here as I need an outlet for my emotions.
Has anyone else experienced anything like this i.e. literally having no one to support you?
54 posts since
13 Jun 2019
Hi there
Firstly, I’m sorry, this sounds really awful.
I recognise a bit of what you are saying. I don’t “have” a family beyond my dad and partner. So when people write about their loving family etc or ask me how are the family coping, it runs through me… It is hard.
It is a really tough situation for you but remember you are only 25 and have a whole life ahead to meet good people. Right now you need to find ways to get by.
Does your mum have any friends or family who might be able to lend some support? x
13 posts since
25 Nov 2019
Hi, thank you so much for your reply, it means a lot.
It is really tough. No we don’t have any family as they have all died. Mum does have some friends but not really supportive friends, just friends that may occasionally text or visit her. I don’t feel I know them well enough to ask for help and they haven’t offered anything. I always thought that if someone was unwell people showed up and offered to help in any way they can but that hasn’t happened for us. I’ve done everything and it’s been really difficult.
Im just really struggling as everyone I know (i.e. work colleagues) are getting married, having kids, have both parents around and most still have 4 grandparents which is crazy to me because I lost all of my grandparents before the age of 10. It’s like there is so much positivity in everyone else’s life and my life is so negative and has been that way for years. I just don’t see a way forward.
All I want is for mum to get better and that’s not going to happen. I’m not asking for much, that’s all I want and if that doesn’t happen I would just like to have 1 person who would be there for me day or night. The sad thing is, that’s mum to me and when she goes I’ll have absolutely no one and the thought of that is terrifying.
54 posts since
13 Jun 2019
It’s totally fair to want that and totally unfair what is happening.
People can be disappointing. At your age a lot of the people around you probably haven’t experienced a serious illness and to be honest, and especially not in a way where they have so little support. I have friends but none of them get it. I get the thing about feeling like people are living in a difficult world, with babies and weddings, I’m the same 
Is your mum at home and independent? x
13 posts since
25 Nov 2019
so sorry to hear you are going through something similar
Mum is at home. I wouldn’t say she is independent as I do most things for her e.g. shopping, cooking, cleaning, washing etc and she is sleeping most of the time now. I do the best I can in the mornings before I leave for work and in the evenings and weekends. We had the palliative care nurse around recently who said there is nothing more they can do for mum in terms of medicine. I thought they would be able to give her something to make her feel less tired but apparently not. She’s on steroids but the oalliative nurse is going to take her off of these later this week because apparently you can’t be on them for too long. I’m concerned that will make her deteriorate further as she did improve a bit when she was out on the steroids.
2171 posts since
4 Jan 2019
Hi lonelygirl I’m surprised nurse didn’t mention macmillan or Marie curie, they should be able to come round and ease the pressure a bit, helping with care, or just someone to talk to, hope you can get something sorted soon best wishes…. Billy
13 posts since
14 Nov 2019
Hello Lonelygirl103, I can understand how you feel as I lost my mum in september and do not have anyone close to me either.
55 posts since
12 Jul 2016
Hello,
I am really sorry to hear your story.
You can get help and you are not on your own Cancer and Mcmillan Nurses are there for you and your Mum at this time. The numbers xan be found on this site and McMillan dont be afraid they are all there to help you cope and live as you have beed devoted to the care of your Mum for a long time. You dont have to stop caring you just need help from the teams that can do it and will help you at home. you may to talk to people there are profffesionals on these sites that are there for you at thgis sad time. you are your Mums rock.Please dont suffer as there is plentu of help waiting for you.These are proiffesionals and know how to help you now. A click or phone call away. speak to the nurses on this site. God Bless.
2 posts since
5 Nov 2019
Hi
I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through at such a young age and to have no friends or family to chat to and support you must make you feel very lonely and depressed . Mum’s are always our rock young or old and watching someone you love and cherish fade before your eyes is horrible.
My mum has cancer in her lung, liver and possibly spine and though 89 one would say that’s a good age which it is. I can’t imagine how I would of felt to be in your shoes as your mum is probably my age 40 s.? Life is so unfair, but as a previous follower said there are networks such as young carers network s that you may find useful. Be very proud of yourself for all the love and support you give your mum as though you may find this difficult to believe now you will become stronger and more resilient having experienced such sadness and despair at such a young age. All the other petty things that happen in life pale into insignificance, AS TO WHERE YOU ARE at the moment . Remember just to find one good friend is worth a hundred fickle fairweathered friends and you are not alone .
These chat rooms are good for support but the sad thing about the way this world and technology is moving nothing takes the place of having someone to confide in and talk to as a friend. I can honestly say having worked in social work and private enterprise up until about your age I too had fair weathered friends and was also the case as a s/w . True to say my clients and I bonded more so than my work colleagues. So please dont beat yourself up about not having a close friend to confide in as work does not always provide that source/ calibre of true friends.
I am married to a wonderful guy who is very supportive but I have a inner sense of loneliness over my mothers pending death that no one can ease the pain and sadness .
As a main carer and the unique bond most people have with their mum s cuts across all ages . My thoughts and heart go out to you and your mum, and as I say be proud and relish every moment you have with your mum . I promise life will get better and friends will find you as you no doubt have maturity , strength and values beyond your years very best wishes David
13 posts since
25 Nov 2019
Hi everyone
Thank you for your messages of support.
I am going to contact MacMillan and Marie Curie as billygoat and kindke have suggested (thank you so much!)
Snowpatrol123- thank you so much for your message, you have described exactly how I am feeling. I couldn’t have written it better myself.
This forum is a great source of support and just receiving some nice messages from strangers has helped me feel a bit more positive so thank you to you all x
Mum dying and I am completely alone
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