Recently widowed
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3 posts since
23 Aug 2014
Hello, I hope someone can understand how I feel after I lost my husband three weeks ago. He had cancer of the pharanx and suffered for a year and a half. We has been married for over 30 years and were very happy. I am heartbroken and, though blessed with friends and family I live alone now. When my father died, I felt he was always with me, guiding as I helped my mother cope and just there for me to talk to. I thought that widowhood would be like that. My husband would still be with me. But I have really lost him, can’t find him or feel his presence anywhere. I used to think I saw my dad on the street, the same thing happened when people I knew died. Sometimes out of the corner of my eye I would see them. It was always a trick of the eye of course but it was strangely comforting. But not a sign of my dear husband who I loved more than anyone. The grief at times is overwhelming.
250 posts since
21 Jun 2013
Hello Joolsmac I am so sorry for the loss of you husband ,only 3 weeks ago its very early days on the journey of grief for you I am glad you have the support of family and friends and know itshard not having hubby around too.. I found this forum helped me so much its so much easier talking to strangers and I always find support here I lost my darling husband Tony last year in Feb we had been married for 40 years he was my world I miss him so much, I still have tears regularly ,but the initial pain is slowly going and memories will always be with me ,and im sure you have some beautiful memories ..We have had our husbands with us for so many years its and its so lonely without them ,even if you have a house full of people …Take care and im sorry you are hurting right now ,come and chat whenever you feel the need ….Susananne x
3 posts since
23 Aug 2014
Thank you Susananne,,
Today has been awful. I haven’t stopped crying even though I am trying to lose myself in jobs. In the end I decided just to give in to the grief. It is good to know that there are others like me and I thank you for taking the trouble to reply to my post. Who would ever have thought this was going to hurt so much. Jools.xx
875 posts since
8 Aug 2013
Hello Joolsmac,
I am so sorry for your loss and although I cannot begin to understand the grief you are feeling at losing your soulmate, I do understand some of the rollercoaster of grief itself. I lost my both my parents to cancer last year within 5 months and although it is a different kind of grief, the emotions have been enormous. I never really understood the pain of loss before, but it really is like somebody is stabbing you in the heart isn’t it? I’m afraid I don’t really believe in the after life myself and haven’t really felt the comfort of presence very much, so it is virtually just trying to come to an acceptance of all that has happened, and for all of us on here I guess that is hard. I wish there was something I could say that could ease your pain, but I am not naive enough to think that I could; I hope that this site is something that can help you, as in my personal experience it has helped me through some of my darkest days. Take care and wishing you strength, be kind to yourself and take each day at a time. Hope x
3 posts since
23 Aug 2014
Thank you, Hope. I’m hoping this site will help. That was a huge blow to lose both your parents. My heart goes out to you, it’s good to know that the site has been comforting. Any hands reaching will be welcome for us all. My best wishes to you and thanks for your thoughtful words. Xx
19 posts since
11 Jun 2012
I just wanted to say hello & that you’re not alone. I have just very recently lost my dad (Aug 6th) my mum her husband of 50 years, it was their golden anniversay at the end of June. My mums situation is very very similar to yours Joolsmac, she is now on her own for the first time in a very long time & has lovely friends and of course family but like you she now feels very alone. You say you feel you have really lost him, please don’t feel like that, you had 30 wonderful, happy yeas together and no one can ever take that away, you have 30 years worth of memories that are precious. When I walk in my mums house now, it does feel strange, odd, just not right, infact the first few times after we lost dad, I was thinking where is he? Why isn’t he sat in his chair, ridiculous but just how my brain was working at the time I guess, I just could not compute that he was gone & even now 5 weeks on I still can’t believe he’s gone but I know that what we shared together as father & daughter & what my dad & mum shared as husband & wife no one can take away. You, like my mum shared too much & loved your husband so much that he will never be lost to you, he will always be part of you & although you say you cant find him or feel him anymore, he will be with you always. Much love xx
14 posts since
16 Aug 2011
Hi Joolsmac. I lost my beloved wife last August and like you kept looking for a sign that they were still with you. To not see her is so hard for me as I loved her so much. I think about her every day, all day. Then on top of that I lost my daughter not by cancer but a brain bleed, made life so much harder. I thank family and all my friends who continually try and help. Keep your chin up and remember all the great times together. And we will see them again when it’s our time. Take care. x
1 posts since
21 Feb 2019
40 posts since
12 Aug 2015
hello Susanne…. I lost my husband last month to bowel and liver cancer. He fought long and hard for nearly 6 years undergoing 5 operations and years of chemo. His lasy 10 days in hospital were terrible so I wouldnt want his suffering to continue but I am so lost and alone. Our children live a long way away and already my friends are dropping me one by one. I have such bad days I feel I dont wont to get out of bed. I am going to force myself and see if I can join a club or something so I might meet people to combat my saddness
14 posts since
16 Aug 2011
Hello. I lost my wife to stage 4 bowel cancer and know how you feel. In the end she developed what might be known as chemo brain and that took its toll on both of us as she got so stressed, she didn’t know who I was. That was so hard. Bit by bit it got worse and she collapsed at home..passing away on way to hospital. I miss her terribly and all her friends that were there for her and rallied round us both. I leaned on my step daughter and she was a blessing but sadly she passed away at 32 years old. If you need a friend then I’m here to listen. Take care.
40 posts since
12 Aug 2015
Hello Jim1021952.. I rather think my darling husband also had chemo brain as you discribed. although this has never been spoken about within the hospital. he had a series of seizures but his CT and MRI scans showed no signs of cancer to the brain. His final 10 days he had a sucsession of seizures that robbed him of his speech and he too didnt seem to know me. Having said that before they put him in an induced coma he did keep taking his breathing mask off to kiss me. I note the date on your post read Aug 2011 so I wonder how your are getting along and coping with your sad loss. Fot me, it is early days. I have very dark days Jim. I miss him so much. Hope by now you have paved a way forward as she would have wanted you to do. Take care
14 posts since
16 Aug 2011
Hello gillie. Same with us..chemo brain was never mentioned by doctors. It was someone in health care that was also my wife’s job..One of her work friends. It was on our last holiday in a little cottage in the Borders that I saw the change in her..a bit agitated and looking lost. She was also looking at me in a very untrusting way so we came home and we settled down for the evening. In the morning I made her some breakfast and took it to her. She was sitting on edge of bed looking confused and panicked when she saw me as a stranger..even after 27 years together. I still feel it and a bit lonely at times. ….
40 posts since
12 Aug 2015
my husband had lucid moments but then would say the most ridicul;ous things almost childlike. Towards the end he had seizures which robbed him of his speech. They assured me he had no cancer on his brain but I had my doubts. The lonliness is a real killer for me. I miss him so much.
14 posts since
16 Aug 2011
I know you miss him. I miss my Josephine like nothing on earth. Take care of yourself and I’ll always be your ear if it helps you through your loss.
40 posts since
12 Aug 2015
Hi Jim Thank you for your reply. My husband died in January after a 6 year battle. I will miss him forever and find it difficult to cope. How are you dear xx
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