Thank You, Birth Control, for Making Me Less Horny
I’ve done an interesting experiment with my own body: I took birth control for ten years, stopped for two, then started taking it again.
Why did I do it? The short explanation is that different doctors have different ideas as to how badly I need to take a pill full of hormones every day.
I was advised to take birth control from an early age because of my Polycystic Ovaries, but once I was older and married — and hopeful I would start a family soon (ha-ha) — I decided to drop the pill, with support of my new doctor.
I got divorced, had terrible hormonal acne, courtesy of the previously mentioned Polycystic Ovaries, changed doctors, and got back on the pill.
The whole experiment allowed me to get to know my body with and without external hormonal influence. I found out that, apart from the acne and the horrible cramps I suffer when I’m not on the pill, I’m also a lot hornier.
It’s not like I suffer from low libido when I’m on the pill. I have always been a very sexual person, and having started birth control pretty much as soon as I had my first period didn’t completely end that. Only when I got out of the pill, that was when I realized that — holy shit — I’m horny.
It wasn’t like going from 0 to 100, it was like going from 100 to 150.
I had always been up for sex, but now I had a bigger desire than I knew what to do with.
Achieving a higher sex drive when in a relationship sounds amazing, but it really isn’t, because it depends on whether or not your partner can keep up. In the context of a committed relationship, when sex drives don’t match, disappointment and resentment arise.
Sexual rejection begins to feel very personal very quickly. Being frequently rejected by a partner makes you feel all sorts of wrong: not pretty enough, not sexy enough, not good enough a partner. Every rejection is another blow to your self-esteem, until someone else outside of your relationship reminds you that you are actually desirable, and then you’re tempted to sneak out of your commitment. Just for a little bit.
Mismatched libidos can bring all sorts of issues to a relationship, not just cheating. There are ways to work around and overcome it, of course, but it does take both partners being honest with each other about their desires, and being willing to put in the work. Just as it can be frustrating for someone to want more sex than they’re getting, it’s also frustrating for their partner to feel like they can’t keep them satisfied.
My ex-husband and I had mismatched libidos from the start, but the chasm between our desires took a few years to really become evident, and by the time I was out of birth control, it was simply undeniable. That alone wasn’t the reason for our relationship to end — and I never resorted to cheating — but it did contribute to its demise.
After the divorce, free to pursue sex with whomever, whenever, I did find someone relatively quickly. And then I was in a committed relationship again — only this time, thankfully, our libidos were more evenly matched.
The problem was making the relationship stick, which it didn’t, but by the time we broke up, I was on birth control again and feeling a lot more, well, in control of myself. Pun totally intended.
I don’t want to think of what kinds of men I would be willing to have sex with if it weren’t for birth control checking my libido.
I understand this particular side effect of the pill isn’t as welcome by many women as it is by me, but that’s the thing with contraception, we each need to find the one that suits us best.
Right now, what suits me best is to not be tempted to go to bed with the first mildly eligible man who walks by.
Thank You, Birth Control, for Making Me Less Horny
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