This Is How You Fight Your Fears
Our culture doesn’t want to acknowledge fear. If we discuss what scares us we believe we are weak in a society which demands toughness and strength. Despite this, fear is something we all experience. It can be of a physical thing, a situation, or an emotion.
We’ve become professionals at crafting our lives around our personal fears in attempts to avoid them. We work on our paths to our successes and dreams and go out of our way to build detours passing over these fears. The time and energy that work takes is draining and useless. We miss out on many lessons and experiences living a life this way.
We want to live a life in which fears do not control our decisions and thoughts. Admission of this is easy. It’s the “doing” that’s the hard part. Every time we avoid the fear we are feeding it. We make it harder for ourselves when we decide (if ever) to strip it of its power.
Some of us, and depending on the fear, can decide one day to take the figurative (or literal) leap and face it head on. Kudos to you if so! For most of us, though, it is beneficial to approach confrontation of a fear as a process. We can personalize our designs to create and decide the steps to overcome our fears.
This idea is credited to Tim Ferriss. He recommends you visualize the worst case scenarios related to a particular fear. This practice can increase your abilities to thrive in high-stress environments. Emotional reactivity is decreased because you’ve studied the outcomes and so you’re more apt to respond to what happens during situation from a conscious mindset.
Maybe you fear quitting your job. Define an undesirable outcome you fear in relation to quitting it. Maybe you can’t find another job immediately. Okay, how can you prevent that from happening? Compile a list of companies seeking employment, update your resume/LinkedIn, and start sending out applications prior to quitting.
Lastly, if this undesirable scenario was to come true, how could you repair it? Who could you ask for help or what similar situation could you study to see how it was fixed before you. You’re not the first person to quit their job and fear the aftermath.
This practice will also help clarify what it is you really fear. You don’t fear quitting your job. Maybe it’s the financial instability unemployment can bring, or the idea of regret. Knowledge is power and it is also a light. The more you understand the less unknown there is to fear.
This can be the second part of the “fear setting” activity. Think of the costs of inaction. How do you lose by not confronting this fear? What are you missing out on? Think emotionally, financially, physically, anyway you can. If you stay living with this fear how will it impact your life six months from now? In a year?
Maybe you confront the fear, survive (most likely you will…) and the fear is still there. No problem. You proved to yourself your mental strength to overcome it, and if you did it once, you could do it again when and if you decide. You also embraced vulnerability and performed something that led to a better understanding of yourself. That’s always a win.
Do all you can to be around it before actually confronting it to accustom yourself. If you grimace at the thought of speaking publicly, watch videos of speeches, hangout with people who conduct workshops, or even do something else in front of others. Something as simple as playing a sports game with an audience can help you toward your goal of public speaking.
Search for people and scenarios who are related to your fear. Read, investigate, whatever it is to increase your knowledge about that subject. When you know more about the risks, how something works, or what is truly involved then the fear level decreases.
It might be too much to face a fear just for the sake of overcoming it. Put a different task or goal to it and see if that can serve as a distraction enough to get you to your objective.
For example, if flying is the fear, spend the flight reading about your destination or planning your schedule of site-seeing to focus on why you are 35,000 feet in the air.
You could also confront the fear with someone else. If they share that fear, you all will need to support one another and can use the advice given to them for your own self. When you “show up” for them you also show up for yourself. If they don’t share in the fear, then they can be a calm, rational voice to help you.
Don’t be afraid to ask for support. We think this means weakness, but it really means a true understanding of limits and yourself. Life is about connections. Deepen your relationships by putting yourself out there. Overcoming a fear with others included can be an amazing bonding experience.
Personal experience: I’ve had a growing fear of the ocean. Its strength, mystery, and depth were all things I wanted to respect from dry land.
Instead of just walking into the waves or jumping off of a boat and then wading there, I used surfing as my ‘in’. It was hard to focus on all of my concerns when I had to concentrate on the incoming waves, the board, and my technique.
My dad loved the water. He’d swim far out, lay down on his raft, and drift with the current. More than once I freaked out thinking he had gone out too far. I’d stand on the shoreline and yell at him, “Mom says lunch is ready, we need to go eat!” He and I both knew it was a lie, and he’d respond, “What? I can’t hear you! You’ll have to come out here to tell me!”
In one moment I found myself alone, sitting on the surfboard with a lull in the lineup. The doubts and worries could’ve easily drifted back into my brain, but this memory of my father came to my mind and I laughed. I said out loud, “Okay, dad, I’m out here now! Are you happy?”
Growth happens when you’re uncomfortable. You’ll learn and utilize different thought patterns and skills. Maybe you find you actually enjoy what you once didn’t understand and pick up a new hobby.
Life doesn’t all have to be confronted head-on. Break up the fear into bite-sized pieces to help yourself reach your goals. When you do, you’ll empower yourself. The momentum to take risks will carry on and you’ll be more trusting and knowledgeable in your abilities. Fear is a natural part of life, but the suffering it may bring is entirely up to you to decide.
You’ll die someday, but facing fears and taking risks is where you do most of the living! What fears have you overcome? What was your process and what did you learn from the experience?
This Is How You Fight Your Fears
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