Why You Should Never, Ever, Stop Questioning
Mindfulness is a thing. A popular thing. You’ll have heard of it. You’ll have read about it. You’ll even have done it — every time you catch yourself thinking a little too obsessively about Robert Pattinson eating a Krispy Kreme.
And what pretty much comes hand-in-hand with mindfulness is the importance of self-talk, of noticing your thoughts, of positive thinking and affirming only the best aspects of yourself. Which is all great! All brilliant! All stellar and superb and something we should all strive to do.
Because, as Zaid Dahhaj highlights in his post:
So get that mind polished, poised and protect it.
BUT.
There is something that might be even more important than all that. Something more useful, more powerful. And that, my friends, is: questioning.
Because positive affirmations are useful tools in reminding us of our capabilities and allowing us to start the day as we mean to go on. But, if you don’t necessarily believe what you’re thinking to yourself, then it’s a little redundant.
I am calm and collected. There’s no way, no way, that I’m going to speed on my driving lesson this time. No way. But if you’re beginning to doubt yourself — as you slip into the drivers seat, sweat patches already forming below your butt-cheeks — remembering how easy it was to lose focus of your foot on the accelerator during that last lesson, then instantly you’re counteracting your mindful practise. If there’s a niggling voice at the back of your mind, whether consciously or subconsciously, whispering well you did it once and you’ll probably do it again, you speed demon, then your earlier affirmations were a waste.
So. Try questioning yourself, instead.
Will I drive slowly today? I forget to fairly often, but I can attempt not to this time if I keep it in mind. And what’s the best way to do that? By consciously checking how fast I’m going, remaining calm and remembering that it’s entirely down to me to do so. Why is that? Because I am in charge. I can do it. I can do anything.
Not only is this more realistic — you’re not falsely promising yourself that you’ll do it perfectly, first time, which often leads to disappointment and more self-doubt than before (you’re simply reiterating what you’re capable of. Which is a lot. Because you’re a superstar) — but it embeds the notion into your mind. It requires more attention to focus on, and is therefore more likely to ingrain into your subconscious. It forces you to actually listen to yourself and delve into detail, hunting for the answers to your self-imposed questions. It creates a chain of thoughts, like stepping stones floating delicately on top of the squidgy goo of your brain, getting you to where you need to go.
Instead of saying I can be successful and then leaving it there, hoping that that’s enough encouragement for that to happen, ask yourself how can I be successful? What do I need to do? Where do I need to start? What obstacles do I need to purchase a brand new pair of walking boots to hurdle over? Then follow your curious nose down that mind trail, unlocking doors and unearthing answers that will assist you along your journey of taking over the planet.
Statements of affirmation are like only reading the title of a book (positive thoughts about yourself are still a good thing to do, by the way. Just like there’s nothing wrong with a bit of window-shopping at Waterstones. Trailing your longing fingers across the covers of dozens of books you’re too poor to adopt). But questioning yourself means you’re opening this book up and letting the entire story unfold.
If that seems a little tricky, that’s okay. Because it is, at first. Like ice-skating. Or balancing three soup bowls on your anatomically undersized arm. But, just like anything, stick at it. Keep practising. Find little tools that help you along the way, like a railing or a tray or visualisation. Question yourself, figure out what you want, and then picture yourself doing or having or being it. Place that image prominently, proudly on a shiny silver platter in your mind, right beside the soups, and dig in. See yourself as the best you can be. Even if you have to stop for a breath, close your eyes and strain that forehead until your beautiful face pops in your mind, grinning and determined. And then, you know, work towards being the very best you can be.
And then better.
Because it works. It does. Ask Google. Ask Alexa. Ask your nanna. She’ll tell you.
It works in all situations, even with silly things, like when you find yourself obsessing over whether your hair will remain frizz-free because it’s crapping it down outside and you have a solid four seconds out in the drizzly open before you get from the front door to your car. When that happens, notice your thoughts and question them. Remind yourself you’re being silly. Ask why. Think: man, why am I worrying about crap like that? Because I want to impress the interviewer I’m on my way to meet, that’s why. But will that really affect my likelihood of getting the job? Well yeah, if I’m applying to work for the new branch of John Frieda: Anti-Frizz Division. But I’m not. I’m applying to be the Head of Acquisitions at Penguin UK. So suck it up, brother. Wet hair, dry hair, no hair, or hair that’s gone crusty because I got some orange Lucozade in it — it doesn’t matter. Can I smash this interview regardless? Damn right. Will I? I’ll damn well try.
So really, have a go. Give it a whirl. Even if it’s for only twenty seconds as you’re sat there, rolling your eyes and asking why am I doing this? This is silly. Because you’ll find that that’s all it takes sometimes, to recognise the sound of your own internal voice. To hear yourself, properly.
And by asking these questions, by putting them out there, it’s like you’re asking the universe. So say it out loud. Scream it. Rap it to the beat of the Fresh Prince intro. Yell it out in German even though you know absolutely no German whatsoever. Project it loud and clear, my friend.
Why You Should Never, Ever, Stop Questioning
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