A New Normal
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5 posts since
25 Mar 2019
In December 2016 my Mum, My best friend was diagnosed with Gallbladder cancer. In March 2017 after going down for a major operation it was discovered that the cancer had spread to her stomach lining and was therefore terminal they aborted the operation and returned her to the ward.
She endured a gruelling 6months of chemo and faired pretty well compared to some people and astounded her doctors when her latest scans came back showing no progression
After a lovely holiday with my Dad and then meeting all the family at Center parcs in Oct 2017 she really was doing well.
I even started to think we were going to get a miracle and she really was going to beat this despite what she had been told by the doctors.
In December 2017 Mum started to suffer with pain again and went back to her doctor but they were relectant to re-scan and told Mum she was fine. Unfortunately this was not the case….
Mum’s pain continued throughout Christmas and into January where she found herself not being listened to by her doctors or GP. In early Feb 2018 we all went back to Center Parcs again but Mum really shouldnt have come as she really wasnt well enough
On our return she went straight to her GP who reluctantly sent her for a blood test which started of the chain of events that resulted in Mum passing away.
The blood tests showed high inflammation markers and Mum was admitted to hospital for them to try and find out what was wrong. Scans were taken and again we were told everything was clear and they were happy for Mum to go home. That night a lovely junior doctor came in and asked Mum if she felt well enough to go home – Mum broke down as she was in so much pain and really wanted to get to the bottom of it. The junior doctor agreed and asked another radiologist to look at Mum’s scans. About 45mins later we were all called into a room being told Mum’s cancer had returned.
This although not a shock did I ever think that Mum wouldnt beat it again and come out the other side.
After nearly 2 weeks in hospital Mum was let home but still wasn’t right and not long after getting home got diagnosed with Shingles. My poor Mum not something else to contend with!
Mum became very poorly and started vomiting uncontrollably and her and my Dad decided that the local hospice might be able to help with symptom management with a view of getting Mum home after everything was under control.
Mum was desperate to get stronger – to try chemo again – to fight this but I could also tell she was scared. Scared this was the end and scared of dying.
After being in the hospice 10days and within this time being told Mum had a bowel obstruction and only 2 weeks to live she came home.
The day before Mother’s Day 2018 Mum came home to a bed in the living room where My Dad along with my brother and I would care for her with the help of daily visits from the hospice nurses.
On Mother’s Day Mum was very sleepy but woke up later in the day and insisted on a toast with Champagne. It was the perfect moment – All 5 of us together toasting to health and happiness, Mum even asked for strawberries in her Champagne and insisted on chopping them up in her bed. It is a moment that will stay with me forever….
The following week started and Mum deteriorated on a daily basis then on the Thursday evening at 6:30pm she passed away with my Dad and I by her side holding her hands.
Even at this moment it did not feel real.
Here I am just over a year later and missing my best friend every moment. We were so close, we would call, text, facebook eachother every day, my Dad used to get fed up answering the house phone just to pass it over to Mum! Now those daily chats are with him. Things are different. There is a new normal and I dont like it.
I would give anything to have my Mum back…. I feel like we have all been robbed of so many more years and memories together it really does break my heart.
On Friday I am due to go away for a weekend with the girls – to most this is fun but to me it will test me to my limits of anxiety
Whilst I am away my first Mother’s Day without mum falls and I am dreading it and then 2 days later its her birthday where she would have been 59……
I worry about my Dad constantly and just wish I could hear her voice one last time.
Honestly there isn’t a point to this post only me for the first time in 12months writing down what happened and reading it back leaves me in bits….
19 posts since
29 Dec 2018
Hi lsteed85
Firstly I am very sorry for the loss of your mother and what you had to go through with doctors not being able to diagnose your mother, it just shouldn’t happen. I can tell from reading your post that you loved her very much and were very close.
I just wanted to reply to your post as I can in a way relate to it, you are further along than me I lost my mother November 2018 after finding out she had lung cancer in Feb 2018. This was when things changed forever. Still for me this does not feel real I wonder if it ever will sink in. The thought I will never see her again is crippling, like you I saw and spoke to my mother every day.
I also feel robbed of how many more years, love and memories I could have had with my mother. I keep asking why her? She was loved and very much needed still. Life is very cruel and unfair. I know there are no answers out there for why this happens to the very best of people. All I do truly know is I was very blessed to have a mother like mine. It sounds like your mother was also very special person and you are trying your very best to carry on for your mother.
There is a point to your post, you needed to write it down and I needed to reply to say I understand you in saying you hate this new normal because I hate my new normal too.
Take care, I hope you manage to try and enjoy some of the weekend with your friends. I think this Sunday is going to be difficult for a lot of people. I know I am dreading it greatly but it will come and it will go and we will be stronger for it.
X x x
23 posts since
28 Nov 2018
Hi I no excatly how your feeling I lost my mum in August 2018 to sclc that spread to her brain my mum was only 60yrs old,Everyday since she passed has been a struggle her birthday is coming up on 30th march a day I’m not looking forward to at all I wish you all the best I hate cancer so much.
151 posts since
15 May 2018
Hi
Your story struck a chord with me. I’m in Canada, so mother’s day is in May, but like you, we celebrated that special day. My mum was in the hospital on the palliative care ward and we didn’t know how much longer we had with her. But she was in such good spirits that day, requesting a McDonald’s cheeseburger of all things, and coffee, donuts etc. We were having conversations about politics and movies. I really thought we would have more time together. She had only had her lung cancer diagnosis in February. Sadly, she passed away just four days later. Ten months on, it still doesn’t feel real. Although we didn’t talk on the phone daily, I visited her once a week and we had the best chats. We connected on such a deep and profound level, two peas in a pod. Life without her is hard. I totally know how hard the milestones are, it would have been her 80th birthday just ten days ago. I know that in two months time, the first mother’s day without her will be heartbreaking.
5 posts since
25 Mar 2019
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5 posts since
25 Mar 2019
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5 posts since
25 Mar 2019
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23 posts since
28 Nov 2018
Cancer would have to be the worst disease there is what is does to the human body is terrible,my mum has been gone 8 months and it still doesn’t seem real I still have my mum’s phone number in my phone it’s turned off but I still call it so it goes to her voicemail so I can still hear her voice I just hope it gets easier with time.
5 posts since
25 Mar 2019
I wish I had my mum’s voicemail but unfortunately she just wasnt that tech savvy 
She did take part in a programme for our local Hospice and was even filmed 2weeks before she passed away – I watch it every now and again just to hear her voice but i’m not sure if it helps or not.
I’ve also started a blog over the last couple of weeks – just to talk to mum as if she was still here – telling her about things and what we have all been doing.
I find myself getting jealous of my friends and them having there mum’s – throughout mum’s diagnosis I never aloud myself to believe she would actually die and even when we were told that day in the hospice I just shrugged it off thinking oh its ok she will pull something out of the bag and even she herself didnt hear it and kept talking about how she would be stronger tomorrow and that she would try and eat more. It broke my heart seeing her like that but I think I believed what she was saying to me as the truth just devestated everybody so much.
151 posts since
15 May 2018
I write to my mother too. It helps. I get a bit torn up inside when I see people with their elderly mums, it hits home that mine is gone. I too didn’t believe she would die!!! I don’t know how I pushed those thoughts away, but my mum and I were both in denial I guess. I think we both thought that she’d be one of the strong lucky ones and would live long past what anyone else thought. I wish I’d accepted it sooner. It might have made things easier. But maybe it wouldn’t. Either way, it’s hard. It just is.
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