Half Way Through
Over the past few months, I left school, lived the startup life in the Big Apple, quit that, and have now been forced to evaluate my choices. This post is an attempt to gather my thoughts in reflection of it all. I want this to be some insight into my experiences, and as advice for anyone out there walking similar steps. Let’s begin:
Or so I thought. I walked into College knowing — with laser-cutting precision — exactly what I wanted to do. I had spent the years prior getting enough knowledge in the software development world that I could coast through my computer science major. And I did.
I finished my major by Sophomore Winter. Now, I could switch focus to getting as much practical experience under my belt for my remaining time. I started to itch for a change of environment. I needed something to look forward to; I needed everyday to be different; and most importantly, I needed community. The perfect opportunity had presented itself to me: a real estate technology startup cofounded by Yale ‘18’s who could use my skill in product development. I joined as Chief Technology Officer; we moved to New York; and we had just gotten venture-backed. Things were great!
Quite drastic — not the decision, but what led up it. Since I can remember, I have dedicated every moment to working to be successful. I sacrificed so much time trying to get ahead that I failed to live in the moment, even in the crucial moments. I’ve had tons of people implore me to reconsider, to slow down, to live a little. I discarded it all because I knew they could never understand my need to be successful.
I carried this attitude through high school, and through my first two years of College. But New York changed that. Everyday I’d stumble upon people making the most of their seemingly-colorless lives. Somehow people had mastered the art of being, of living not for the next two or ten years, but for the very moment they found themselves in.
I don’t know where the change started to occur, but it crept up on me quickly. And with the startup life demanding that I work for hours on end, closing GitHub issues and implementing React components (I now hate all things web development, except WebAssembly), I was being torn in half. I finally snapped after an argument with the others that had me cease communication with them for at least two weeks. But I walked out with something I would have never thought to get: a reason to live — to live live.
Now I almost resent busy work. I only work on problems that tickle my curiosity, and I don’t think this will ever change for the rest of my life (I don’t care much about a career in CS anymore). Now you might think that this is short sighted, that I should be okay with forgoing curiosity or fun to get ahead. But in that analysis lies a fallacy. Why not both? I’ve come to realize that I can have all I want as I want it: I can work for less than thirty hours a week, be extremely productive, enjoy the work I’m doing, and have all the time to dick around as I want. And I can do all this while aspiring to excellence in my work, settling for nothing less.
I see the masochism that has dominated entrepreneurship. I see how people think that the less they live, the less they eat healthy, the more they forgo rest and balance in their lives, the bigger their chance at success (it’s being romanticized after all). It has taken me a while, but I now realize that this life is not for me. It’s not that I can’t be an entrepreneur — I already am — it’s that I can’t survive the monotonicity and zealotry of the archetypal entrepreneur’s life. I thrive on some work and all play (with work being a proper subset of play).
If I could go back, I wouldn’t necessarily change much. I believe all the mistakes — as I consider them now — were absolutely necessary to get to this point. There is only one exception to this.
In my quest to become Jeff Bezos by 24, I completely ignored all the relationships I should have built. I invested next to nothing in the people around me, and now I realize just how much of a mistake that was. To me, they would all be inconsequential to the story of my success; and to them, I must have been this one-dimensional ascetic — every friendship shallow, every interaction superficial.
Friendships might be overrated; this might be another case of the grass being greener on the other side; but I wish I had at least afforded myself the opportunity to know for sure. I don’t know how much I can fix this, as I’m sure the damage is already done. But I know never ever to repeat the same mistake again. From now on, I come as I am, with curiosity, with humility, with love.
Writing this last header tickles a bit, because I usually only do so describing my software, not my life. In any case, the grind continues. I’m partnering up with an extremely creative hacker on a new media format that just might replace the JPEG (more on this in another post); I’ve delved into the fascinating world of Deep Learning, recreating the Huji app as my very first project (more on this in another post) and now mixing DL with Computational Photography and Numerical Analysis for image enhancement; I’m hacking my mobile game to use facial gestures for control (more on this in yet another post); and more interesting problems.
I haven’t slowed down one bit; I consider the art of living yet another project that I have to master — just like any of my other software projects. I want to say thank you to all the people who have played a part, however little, in my story up to this point. And special thanks to LaJay who constantly inspires me to become my better self. The story will only get better from here on out.
— Lanre Olokoba.
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Half Way Through
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