I spent six hours doing a puzzle today. My phone didn’t interrupt.
(Day 2 from the longer series: “I gave up my smartphone for a flip phone.”)
When was the last time you concentrated on something that gave you joy for hours on end without picking up your phone once?
It’s the first full day of my transition from a smartphone to a flip phone, and my anxiety was so great, the space in my apartment so quiet, that I just had to do something. Normally, I’d reach for my phone if I felt alone, restless, jittery or anxious. I guess I could have gotten on my computer, but that intoxicating mix of texting, apps, bitmojis, email, and social feeds isn’t as alluring or intimate on my computer.
So I whipped out this puzzle and really go into it.
Nothing interrupted me.
Well, there was this one interruption. It was a text from a love interest, actually. 😉
He texted a pretty involved question about something that carried a lot of emotion for both of us. It was something I needed to get right in my response.
Now, I already was the kind of person who never liked to have deep relationship convos on text anyway. But it’s so easy for the line to blur. It’s just. too. easy. to just write a quick response, then after his response, maybe another response and before you know it, you get sucked into the entire conversation right then and there. We already have a habit of discussing deep, involved issues via text because we both have kids; and often, we can’t talk but we can steal a few minutes to keep texting without our kids knowing (although, I’m sure they do notice that we shift our attention from them every few minutes and are lost in our thoughts in between). That’s been our pattern. Until now.
I wrote back, “can0u talk ?” with my kindergarten-level T9 skills.
“Maybe after dinner, baths and homework,” he texted back.
I knew there was a good chance he might not be able to call after all that and an even better chance he or I would be too tired to engage in serious discussion at that late hour. #singleparentlife
I felt anxious. I really wanted to talk about it. RIGHT NOW. But the threat of unloading my emotions via T9 gave me pause. I would have to either push through the T9 anxiety or reckon with my anxiety around waiting.
I made the only logical choice.
“ok lets do thati’m typing on t9”
“Shit ok,” he responded.
I closed the phone and went back to work.
I thought about what it means to enjoy this puzzle. To not just consume this experience, but to have it. It was all my own. I wanted to take a quick picture of the puzzle and text it to my girl friends with the caption “So, I’m doing THIS today.” They would have been confused and surprised and that would have been funny and given me a 15-second shot of dopamine. However, I didn’t. And that was ok too. I was just a girl in an apartment, doing a puzzle without distraction.
The phone didn’t bother me again. When I finished the puzzle, I felt delighted!
Before my flip phone transition, this love interest and I would have texted on-and-off for probably the next hour (or two). I would have been worried if the tone of my response was communicating how I was truly feeling. There would have been lots of backspacing and editing. There would have been some anxiety during the wait for the next text from him, which I may have quelled by texting another contact on my list, meaning I would have been toggling between a serious conversation and casual conversations, switching modes constantly without even being conscious of it. It sounds exhausting when I write it all out like this. (Was it just three days ago that all seemed like a normal way to communicate?) But at least I would have gotten a fix of my drug-of-choice— immediate gratification—and not had to deal with the anxiety of waiting until…when? Tonight? Maybe tomorrow? #costs
I channeled my anxiety into the puzzle. It felt like very important work. It gave me a great feeling of satisfaction. It was tactile and creative, adult play. I could tell I was using parts of my brain that I hadn’t accessed in a while.
And a few hours later, he called. We chatted for an hour. We had the serious issue worked out in 5 minutes flat and went on to discuss other things. It was a lovely call. When it was over, it was over. I felt resolved and good about everything. I can’t believe how much time it saved to discuss that topic over the phone instead of giving into the immediate gratification of texting. I have no doubt it would have gone on for two hours via text and not resolved itself half as well. But texting about things like this aren’t possible for me anymore. I’ve gone #flipphone, baby.
Do you sense that being without a smartphone would actually save you time? On what? (Leave me comments below, I live for them!)
I spent six hours doing a puzzle today. My phone didn’t interrupt.
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