It hurts so much
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79 posts since
22 May 2017
I can’t stand how much it hurts. I just dreamt Mum was here and alive and but then woke up and the shock has punched me all over again. She was everything to me, I can’t process her not being here.
1025 posts since
3 May 2018
Hello horrible isnt it you wake from one nightmare into anothere how are you feeling now has it calmed down ,paul
79 posts since
22 May 2017
Hi Paul thanks for messaging me, it was such a horrible night, every time I woke up it was like it was happening all over again.. do you have nights like that?
143 posts since
3 Oct 2018
I saw a figure walking towards me at their house, I couldn’t make out who it was as it was dark, then realised it was my mum, she looked sad, I hugged her and said, “where have you been mum”, then woke up; that was a couple of months ago. We are coming up to a year since my beautiful mum passed away, it is difficult to process, part of my heart will always be broken, I have to accept that.
I do know that our mum’s wouldn’t want us to carry this sadness forever but it is hard, I think I am further in this journey and I can say that it does become easier, not that you forget, of course not but the sheer weight of the grief doesn’t literally knock you over. I talk about my mum everyday, whether in conversations with my family about what she would have liked or thought about something and I can do that now without breaking down but I put some flowers this week ( difficult to even say the word grave) and couldn’t stop the tears.
I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss, it is a day or even an hour at a time, but I hope and pray that we’ll get there.
Take care,
Linda
x
107 posts since
19 Jul 2019
Hi,
I’m completely with you and cant process at all that my mum is no longer here. The last 11 weeks have just passed in a blur,much of it silent either crying or staring into space.
I still get physical pain that she isn’t here and I cannot raise a smile. I am so unhappy all the time and cant see how I will ever be happy again. Mum went so suddenly there was no time to process what was happening and there was so much to do in the first 3 weeks. Its since the funeral 8 weeks ago that I have really struggled.
All I can say is what I am doing to cope. I’m just taking each hour as it comes and each day as it passes. I know that I will never be the same again and that I will carry this enormous loss for the rest of my life.
Keep looking after yourself, avoid alcohol unless you are in a good frame of mind and keep exercise up. This has really helped me.
Cheryl x
1025 posts since
3 May 2018
Yes i did there horrible same on a morning when i woke hit me like a sledg hammer .but it does settle down .i went out in the end got counciling in fact i did everything i could it realy helped but mainly its time i say to people take one day at a time it sounds lame but it realy isnt dont worry you will be ok the dreams will stop and the pain of loss gets less till one morning you wake up and it dosnt hit you like a sledge hammer keep talking to us and we will see if we have answers the lady who posted about her loss has some good points but and i can asure you it gets eisier .like ive said i dont think aur loved one ever realy leave visiting in our dreams seem to be a way of contacting us a lot find feathers and things when you wake just say good morning mum chat about things its not daft it realy helps paul .
79 posts since
22 May 2017
Hi Linda,
That is so lovely, I hope you’ve been able to find some kind of peace, even if you will always grieve your Mum and hate what has happened. I know I will.
My Mum’s biggest worry was how we would cope after she was gone, but I think there is a difference between coping and grieving. I am definitely coping. I’m getting up every day, getting out the house, sorting paperwork, spending time with family, but I am in complete and utter shock. I lose myself in things sometimes and then I remember she’s gone and my whole world crumbles all over again. The grief is awful and unpredictable, and I don’t think I have even got to the hard part yet.
Thank you for taking the time to message me, I think it’s so important that you can talk about your Mum every day and carry her with you. This whole experience has felt incredibly isolating, but it means a lot to hear from other people who understand the pain I feel.
Pippa x
79 posts since
22 May 2017
Hey Cheryl, thank you so much for messaging me.
It must have been such a huge shock to lose your Mum so suddenly, especially as she lived with you. The only time that it ever really sinks in for me is when I wake up in the middle of the night and it feels like someone has come to the door and told me she’s gone for the first time, that’s how shocking it is.
The world feels the same but so much smaller and gloomier at the same time. Autumn is just around the corner, our favourite time of year, and I am dreading it because it means leaving Summer behind and almost like leaving Mum behind too.
I’ll follow your lead and take it hour by hour, but I’m worried that it will only sink in after the memorial service and when I have gone back to work. I dread it and I don’t know how I’ll ever be okay again… she’s really gone. Thank you for the advice about alcohol and exercise too, I ran my first 5k just 2 weeks before Mum died and haven’t run since… maybe I should.
Please keep messaging me if it helps at all.
Pippa x
79 posts since
22 May 2017
Hi again Paul, thank you so much for messaging me again.
I’m so so SO relieved to know that that awful feeling will go away eventually. The sledge hammer realisation that she is gone is awful and it leaves me cold. Like you, I do also believe that our loved ones stay with us and I talk to Mum all the time. When our beautiful dog died, if I had a sad day missing her, she would visit me in my dream that night and we would go on a walk or have a cuddle on the sofa. I hope I get to see Mum soon.
I’m glad to know that you’re everything you can to help yourself and I am so blown away by the fact that you take the time to reply to literally everyone who posts on here. Thank you for the advice too… Sometimes I literally tell myself out loud “right now brush your hair… empty the dishwasher… text your sister…” because I just don’t know what to do. We had a short but amazing rainbow tonight and so I said “Hi” to Mum and blew her a kiss. I keep her photo by my bed and kiss it morning and night and I tell her what I am up to.
Pippa x
1025 posts since
3 May 2018
Hi pippa how lovely the rainbow sounds like your doing ok i dont post to everyone just ones from some you can only cope with it for short periods then have to have a break like a virtual chum if you come on more you learn a great deal about how people suffer just a keep talking to mum and blowing kiss she will be there you jus cant see her energie will be there you just cant see her
It hurts so much
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