Life after Graduation
Life after graduation, at least for myself, has been and is comparable to sitting in front of a computer, ideas filling your mind, yet ultimately, finding yourself staring at a blank document.
Life after graduation is like the ultimate writer’s block. It is not being able to put down into words what you have always been dreaming of writing.
That is me, today.
My mother had me young, and migrated here to Canada when she was about twenty years old. She brought me here, to Canada, when I was six years old. She did not know a single word of English, yet she managed to get a job, rent an apartment, and put me in school.
I remember how tough it was to be in a class full of strangers who did not speak the same language as I did. There was no language barrier though when it came to dirty looks and obvious hostility towards the new girl who didn’t know any English. There was one other girl in the whole class who spoke my language, and she was assigned to help me make friends… yet she did not even want to be seen with me on the playgrounds. I remember sitting on a log at recess waiting for the bells to ring to go back into class, so that I didn’t have to be alone anymore. Kids look so sweet, yet they can be so cruel.
Since my mother didn’t know any English, I also had a difficult time with homework. I remember getting D’s on my report card and my cousins from my step-father’s side would go through my things to look for it, only to laugh at how dumb I was. I remember holding back my tears, and silently sobbing after they left.
I think that was the turning point for me because after that, I don’t remember much. I moved schools, and people were nicer there — I made friends, and I learned English, and I told myself that I would do better.
When high school came along, I remember being so happy for a new start. I was so driven to do well in my classes, so that I could get accepted into a well recognized University. High school was such a peak for me, I made wonderful friends, I was in love, I did well in classes, I received multiple awards. It was great. My goal was to get into the University of Toronto — and I did, with an overall A average.
I went into studying something that I love… ironically, that being English. I was proud of myself, to be able to study English. It meant something to me. Not only did I find joy in words, and literature, English was also the language that that I learned, by myself, to get myself to where I was — to me, it was so powerful… I wanted to be able to pass this along to others — I wanted to teach.
But as I continued on with my University career, people would ask me, “what are you going to do with an English degree?” and I would tell them that I wanted to teach. They would respond with that teaching is in high supply, and asked me what I would do if that did not end up working out — but I’ve never thought of the possibility of it not working out and ignored these comments. I’ve always followed one path in life: I would decide what I wanted to do, and I would follow that one path, not acknowledging the “what ifs, ands, or buts.” I’ve never thought about what life would be if that wasn’t my life. And I guess that’s my problem because here I am today.
What are you going to do with an English degree? I find myself asking…
The straight path that I once followed is now split up into endless roads. And here I am, stuck in this spot, not knowing which road to follow. Of course, I’ve tried to go in different directions, but I always find myself running back to my spot… feeling like a failure each time. Now each new time I try to take a step forward, I’m afraid of wasting more money that I don’t have, but more importantly, I’m terrified of wasting more time to end up right back at my spot.
So yeah, that’s my life so far. And I didn’t write this to be pitied… I guess I wrote it to motivate myself because… life after graduation is like sitting in front of a computer, ideas filling your mind, yet finding yourself staring at a blank document. Life after graduation is the ultimate writer’s block. It is not being able to put down into words what you have always been dreaming of writing.… but here I am, writing.
Life after Graduation
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