Mum diagnosed with terminal lung cancer
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5 posts since
6 Dec 2020
Hi, I’m jen. Im 29 and my mum was diagnosed with a very rare lung cancer in october. Since then things have gone down hill pretty fast.
She’s been in&out hospital with her asthma&severe cellulitis. Her oncologist has started her on a targeted therapy pill daily. She seems to be doing well on it so far. But she’s been in denial up until we saw her oncologist again on Wednesday, where he told her she was terminal.
I don’t know how much time we have left but I’m really struggling with the thought I’m going to lose her. I’m so paranoid that I’m constantly checking she’s still breathing when she’s asleep. I’m physically&emotionally drained. Im trying to run two houses, care for her, care for my 7yr old son. Its got to the point where I’m that stressed my heart actually hurts&my dr has had to prescribe me medication to help with the pain in my chest.
The cancer has spread to her brain which has caused a personality change&she can be very aggressive towards me. Its awful watching my mum suffer&her being mean to me. Knowing its not really my mum, Its the cancer doing it. She is only 53&i always thought I’d have her until she was old. I feel like I’m being robbed. She keeps telling me she just wanted to see my son grow up&it’s so hard to be strong when she says that.
I know that this will probably be our last Xmas too because her cancer is so rare&aggressive. Its so hard to be festive when my world is falling apart. I don’t know how im going to make it through Xmas day. So I thought I would reach out on here for some support or if anyone has ideas on what I can do to help cope.
Thanks
13 posts since
29 Nov 2020
Hi there,
I am so so so sorry to hear you are going through this.
I sadly lost my amazing and special dad in October this year from a VERY rare cancer. We only had two weeks from diagnosis to his passing. It’s so so hard and I can completely relate to how you are feeling.
I hope you are managing to get some help from the doctors and community services. I’m a community nurse and advise you to reach out to the district nursing team and local hospice to allow you time to be her daughter and not carer also. This will allow you some time with mum to make memories.
It’s so hard running two houses but even more difficult with your son too. Just try and make sure you are also looking after yourself. I found time out so important even if it was some fresh air to walk the dog. I don’t have children but my dads one wish was to make my wedding in April and see any children I had grow up and it was heartbreaking to hear.
please feel free to keep in touch at anytime.
Remember you are doing an amazing job
x
1 posts since
11 Dec 2020
i’m so so sorry to hear about your mum. i’m going through something similar.. my mum too has terminal cancer… she has bowel cancer, spread to her liver and now her stomach.. she had been going to the doctor for over two years… has two bowel screening test and all came back negative.. all the doctor had to do was send my mum for a scan.. and our story maybe different today.
i feel like you… robbed of my mum.. my best friend.. the one i call every day ( at least 3 times) i too am going between houses every day to shower her.. wash her hair etc.. my step dad is amazing and does absolutely everything for her… it’s just heartbreaking and i feel sick every morning and sad every day.. and don’t feel like i will ever be normal again. yesterday the doctor came out and started going through the end of life process and gave her the prescription for the medication… i just don’t know how i will get through christmas or my life without her. i’m married with two children.. 9 year old boy and 14 year old girl. my mum is my kids ‘go to’ nanny and the one that is always there for them and me… i just feel helpless and i know it’s our last christmas together and i don’t know how i’m going to get through it.
i’m here if you ever want to talk… i know exactly what you’re going through and getting up every day not knowing what the day brings us torture… xx
sending you so much love and strength xx we have to get through this… we haven’t got a choice
5 posts since
6 Dec 2020
Thankyou for the reply
I’m so sorry you lost your dad so fast. Thats just heartbreaking. Cancer just doesn’t take any prisoners. Its awful. I hope you are ok.
To be honest we are having such a bad time with our GP. This is all their fault. She had been complaining since July that she wasn’t right&they just kept fobbing her off saying it was her asthma. She was so poorly in the beginning of October that I had to get her an ambulance and it turned out she had hours to live as she had fluid around her heart&it was collapsing. A week later we got told she had cancer. If the GP had physically seen her&arranged tests all this could of been caught early. Anyway things haven’t got much better since her diagnosis. Our GP hasn’t organised any sort of support for her with district or macmillan nurses. Its just awful. We are going to be putting a complaint in because its just not good enough the way she has been treated. Thankfully her oncologist has linked us with the palliative care team now, so we are awaiting a call for an occupational assessment for her house.
You are right though I need time to be her daughter and not just her carer but it’s hard as she doesn’t want any other family looking after her. She just wants me. Of course I don’t mind. But I do feel sometimes that my sons sort of left to his own devices&im not getting much time with him. I’m caught between a rock&a hard place.
Thankyou for replying to me I really appreciate it. And if you ever need support give me a message.
Xxx
5 posts since
6 Dec 2020
Hi Kelly
I’m so sorry about your mum. To be given a cancer diagnosis is terrible but at this time of year when Xmas is all about family&being merry. Its even worse&more heartbreaking. I know its our last one too&as each day passes the knot in my stomach gets bigger as I don’t know how I’m gonna get through Xmas day. My mum is like yours ‘the go to nanny’ lol. His other nan doesn’t really bother with Alfie. Im just so angry that he’s losing the only nan who cares about him&spoils him rotten.
Since the oncologist told her she’s terminal she isn’t talking much&has withdrawn into herself. The cancer is already going to rob us of a future together. Now it’s robbing me of conversations&having my normal chatty mum. I don’t know what to do to get her out this rut.
How are your children coping? My sons not dealing with it very well. He’s only 7&everytime mum goes off in an ambulance he thinks she isn’t coming back&gets really upset. Everyday the 1st thing he says coming out of school ‘ how’s nanny, where is she?’. Poor kid is terrified something bad may of happened whilst he’s in school.
I’m glad you reached out&we can talk things through together. Its no good bottling it all up. I’m only a message away if you need to chat.
Xxxx
5 posts since
14 Dec 2020
Hi.
I’m so sorry to hear that your mum has been diagnosed with cancer. It’s a heartbreaking situation and one no one wants to be in.
My mum was diagnosed with lung cancer in December 2019, through a chest X-ray due to having a chest infection. It came as a complete shock to all of us, including mum.
She sadly passed away just over 2 weeks ago aged 56. It still doesn’t feel real and I had 11 months to get my head around it, I don’t think you ever do.
I cared for her right until the end and unfortunately she too had personality changes, although we never had it confirmed it had spread to her brain, only to her bones. She would shout at me, started swearing and randomly started speak in a slight English accent (even though she was broad Scottish!)
All you can do is take each day as it comes. Try and make memories and be there as much as you can. As heartbreaking as that is. I used to look at her everyday and think, how can I lose you? I still have no idea how to live without her.
I wish I’d have been open with people about how I was feeling as now that she’s passed I can’t begin to explain what the past 12 months has done to me. I wouldn’t know where to start. Do you have family or friends you can confide in?
Im here if you want to talk.
Take care
Nat x
Mum diagnosed with terminal lung cancer
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