Stop Overreacting, and You’ll Conquer Your World
Meltdowns happen over the strangest little things. True, sometimes we step in shit. Ennui befalls everyone. But many of us have a talent for twisting a minor setback into a disaster.
Been there. Who else wants to raise their hand?
Some minor inconvenience turns into an hour-long phone conversation, aka bitch session. But bitch sessions are like potato chips. You can never have just one. Suddenly, you’ve lost your momentum. And your day.
But a setback can melt away with the right attitude.
We supersize problems in our heads and then try to kill them with fire. But the problem is so small, we miss. Instead of hitting the problem, we burn down our house. Most of our problems don’t need a flame thrower. They need bait traps and a swatter.
Or you can just open the door, and let your problems leave on their own. Me? I’m more of a stomp on them kinda gal.
We all want to play with the flame thrower. Killing a gnat with an obsolete weapon from WWII sounds fun and easy.
Other times, a problem is big — but also insidious. The biggest problems aren’t external. They lie within. These bigger problems, which we all face, deserve most of our attention. You can’t solve your internal problems by pointing a flame thrower at something on the floor.
If your problem looks too big to step on, you need professional help. I’m not sure if I’m talking about therapists or pest control now.
Moving on…
We secretly like the idea of big problems. They make us feel important. And it’s fun to play with flame throwers. A dark truth, our minds always need something to do. If everything’s going well, we get bored. We’ll seek out adversity. Even when none exists.
If you’re seeking out drama, or stretching little problems into big ones, then raise the bar for yourself. You’re not doing enough.
Or maybe you’re trying to distract yourself from a big problem. Something you know needs fumigation.
But how do you know when you’re fixating on a small problem — or a problem you can’t control? Easy, you’ll feel seething anger and animosity toward the smaller problems. You won’t want to just clean up the mess someone else (or pet) left, you’ll want to excoriate the person (or pet) responsible. These are the tell-tell signs that your mind lies in the wrong place. Likewise, you’ll feel more than disappointment that you didn’t get that promotion. You’ll consider whether the other person earned it.
You will never know if someone else earned the promotion you so desperately sought. By promotion, I mean anything. Job, publication, grant, or whatever thing your heart so desperately coveted.
I’ve sat on both sides — the person who won the thing, and the person who merely wanted said thing. The person who won the thing is always awash in doubt from petty-minded people. They ask, “Did you really earn that, or did you just sleep with someone?”
The person who got screwed over always wonders. The smart ones among us don’t waste too much time on that. Because you’ll solve the mystery. And the time you spend speculating is better spent doing.
True, some people do sleep their way to the top. Either literally or metaphorically (by charm). But true talent and hard work always rises to the top, no matter what.
So you might get bumped out along the way. But not forever. And when you do actually get screwed over, it doesn’t make you mad. Have you noticed? Your true reaction to getting screwed over is this: You shrug. You say, “Figures.” And you move on. Don’t ever feel jealous of a hack — no matter how successful in the temporary sense.
If someone is consistently more successful than you, consider this: they’re actually better at something than you. Novel idea.
Jealousy is an unhealthy mind’s version of inspiration.
Negative emotions boil when you’ve completely lost control of a situation. When that happens, just walk away. Surrender.
See, anger and jealousy always make you do stupid things. You’re trying to reassert control when you can’t. You can feel anger — even jealousy. But you have to do something else with those feelings before acting on them. Otherwise, this is how people burn down their houses.
Over a spider.
Plenty of adults throw temper tantrums. It’s both amusing and disturbing. And also sometimes annoying.
I’ve seen grown men stomp their feet and yell at bartenders for not serving their favorite drink. I’ve watched women storm out of meetings and nurture grudges for months over a single word.
Something else bothered these people. Instead of facing their main problems, they chose to blow up over something little.
Been there. Anyone else want to raise their hand?
Try to remember the last time you saw an adult throw a tantrum in public. It was probably yesterday. Adults especially love to display their fury and then storm out of a meeting.
Name your inconvenience. The line at Starbucks. The wait outside your favorite restaurant. Someone doesn’t text you back. The girl or guy you’ve been flirting with went home with your friend instead.
These are little things. Sure, you can feel irritated, or betrayed. But keep your flame thrower holstered. If you can’t deal with the little things, the big ones are going to kick your ass.
Scale it up. Extra work falls on you, without extra money. You don’t get the promotion you think you deserve. Funding for one of your projects gets axed. Something, somewhere, happens that you don’t like.
Nobody solves these bigger problems by over-analyzing them or throwing a tantrum. They require strategy. And patience.
They require a certain tolerance for disappointment and rejection. So maybe it would be a good idea to practice tolerance for life’s daily irritations. Thicken your hide.
Especially stop fretting and complaining about things that happen all the time. If they happen that often, and they really bother you, then come up with a plan to do something about them.
This is what life comes down to most of the time. A problem arises. You can chew up your time and energy in the garbage disposal of ennui, or you can just step on the problem, wipe it up with tissue, and move on.
Or let it outside if you’re a good person.
You either have one small problem, or you have an infestation. Either way, save your flame thrower for special villains.
We all deal with things we shouldn’t have to. And we all need to vent. It’s okay to get pissed off over little things. It’s okay to mention them to someone. You might begin with, “So this irritated me a little…” What’s not okay is telling everyone, expecting them to share your outrage.
Vent. Play a game. Knit. Engage in a hobby.
Advocate for a cause of your choosing. Do whatever you need in order to stop fixating on some small problem.
Most things in life simply irritate us a little. Or they make us wonder what on earth someone was thinking. The next time you feel the weight of the world’s injustice pressing down on you, pause yourself. Think about how much it actually matters. Think about what else you’d rather be doing, than worrying about this little problem.
Stop Overreacting, and You’ll Conquer Your World
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