Technology and Temptation: Why I Threw Away My Tablet
I love technology. Sometimes, a little bit too much.
Like most millennials, my love affair with technology started young. From sharing game consoles with my older brothers to getting my first Nokia cellphone in 6th grade. As a shy homebody, my very few connections with the outside world came through glowing screens of various sizes.
My curiosity with technology started innocently enough. It started with learning how to change the phone background or figuring out acronyms to text quickly when you only have nine buttons available. When it came to homework assignments (especially book reports and essays), it developed into how I can appear more academic to get better grades on my report card. Even in my spare time, I wasn’t playing sports or riding my bike as much. I was glued to a seat in front of the family computer, getting my feet wet as I surf the World Wide Web.
But my childlike innocence would be tested soon enough.
Unsupervised eyes will lead you astray
There’s a certain danger that comes with having the whole world available to you without the right supervision. And although I thought I knew better at the time, it only took me until now to realize the damage I dealt myself by not being more careful with what I was viewing.
In my case, it was pornography. By the time I was a teenager, I knew where to find it, how to hide it, and even who I could solicit it from. It was an addiction that I camouflaged under cleared search histories and files kept hidden from public viewing. I always made sure my phone was always close to me and was slightly paranoid of leaving technology unattended. Being a Christian, I had appearances to keep up and couldn’t risk having my reputation tarnished.
This conflict followed me through most of high school and all of college. Whenever I thought I was cured of my addiction, all it took was depression, loneliness, or low self-esteem to reintroduce it like an old friend coming back for a visit.
A pointless purchase
When I moved out in 2014 to finish my college career, I wasn’t used to having a lot of money to manage. I didn’t have a job and my parents had to pay for everything. It wasn’t until I got my first direct deposit from the financial aid department that I realized something: I can buy whatever I want now.
This sets up context behind the purchase of an 8-inch tablet that I bought mainly because it was cheap and convenient. It had the mobility of a laptop, and a screen big enough to view all forms of entertainment at a comfortable size. Essentially, it was the perfect device to reignite my porn addiction whenever I felt the spark.
I brought the tablet with me when I came back home. And not much changed for a while. Even when the screen cracked and the battery life deteriorated, I just couldn’t let go of it.
Through the brief moments of clarity, I realized that I couldn’t remain stagnant anymore. So, if it meant doing something drastic and out of my comfort zone, then so be it. As I carried my tablet to its final resting place two months ago, I began unraveling my attachment to technology.
Take care of your use of technology
Did getting rid of my tablet immediately remove the temptation that has haunted me for years? No. But since I no longer have it, I’m now aware of how much I relied on technology and the dangers that came with it.
For me, the tablet symbolized the convenience and false comfort that technology can provide when not used for the right purposes. I see technology as a coping mechanism for my loneliness and emotional dissonance. I’m more inclined to spend time behind a screen than in front of people because I can understand technology a lot better. I know how to make technology work for my personal benefit, whereas people are a bit more complicated.
After I threw away my tablet, I learned one important lesson: it’s possible to let go of a stumbling block that seemed beneficial at first. It’s not worth having another device to listen to music or watch YouTube videos with if it means you’ll use the same device to indulge in your temptations and become less connected with reality. If you have a somewhat unhealthy obsession with technology like me, perhaps it’s time to do some self-evaluating and come up with simple ways to better manage your time with technology.
This can range from blocking certain websites and apps, seeking accountability, or turning your devices off before going to sleep. Find whatever works for you and make a habit of seeking moderation. Your mind will thank you for not overloading it with so much stimuli.
During this process, you may come to the same realization I did that certain devices charging in your room right now doesn’t need to be there anymore. It may be difficult at first, but it’s worth cleaning out the trash in your life.
Technology and Temptation: Why I Threw Away My Tablet
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